Stranger in Her Native Land

Thanks to a Pirate.

2007-03-07T00:32:00.000-06:00

I have never been so excited by a cd box. Well, part of that might be the fact that I think this is the first cd box I have purchased. Odd, but wait until you hear the rest of it. I’ve only ben purchasing music since the fall of 2005(?). Before that I just collected what people gave me and buying the odd cd maybe once a year. My music background was, well, almost non-existence. My ex-boyfriend mocked me once since I didn’t know who the Ramones were. Shocking. My ex-boss took me to a Cramps concert, whom I also didn’t know but recognized during the course of the night( and came to realize they had been playing together longer than I was on this earth).

That was then, this is now and it’s a whole new story. No longer do I not know who the Ramones are, in fact I have them. Now, my music is limited only by the space on my hard drive. I currently have 511 artists and it would take me over 14 days to listen to it, all as well as having 58 different genres of music. This pales in comparison with most of my friends. But it’s a long way from two years ago.

The latest excitement is Arcade Fire’s “Neon Bible.” Today I bought my first box set and it was slick black box with a neon bible hologram that opens and closes. But the best thing about this box set besides a cd I can excited about, is the flip books. Yes, “Neon Bible” comes with two flip books. I have never been so amused by a flip book, probably because it was the last think I expected to find in the box.

I love surprises. I love music. It’s one of the few things I get excited about these day. Thank goodness for good music.

The Grind

2007-02-16T00:11:00.000-06:00

The other day when we were having a snow storm, guess what I tried to do? I went exploring my new neighborhood. Yes, in a snow storm with biting winds. No one said I was a smart cookie. Being held up in my house for days was starting to get to me so I didn’t feel like going home the other day. I rode the brown line up two stops farther north than Irving Park and got off at Western. I had been snooping around on Metromix for local coffee shops and found one just south on Lincoln called the Grind that sounded promising. Unfortunately after trudging through the snow and past an expensive and promising wine shop the place was full. I ended up walking south on Lincoln till I found an empty coffee shop that I probably will not return to across from a Korean place I will have to check out. On a walk that completely froze my toes I passed a library, Evil Clown Records, a place called “Feed the Beast”, a sushi place called “Tank” and probably more interesting things if I had been able to looked around more. Adventures for a warmer day.

Yesterday, I decided to give the Grind another go. Space wise it’s a rather crowded place smaller than one floor of my apartment. For seating there are about 10 small black wooden tables with accompanying chairs. On the bare brick walls there are original watercolors from an independent comic artist. The menu looks good. They had a good variety of baked goods from mini tarts to brownies. Meals ranged from breakfast fare to pannini sandwiches and some salads. The kicker is they serve waffles three different ways. How can one go wrong? Their names aren’t as literary as the Bourgeois Pig, more utilitarian. One day I will have to try some and see if they taste as good as they look. This time I stuck to coffee, black, with a free refill. I have to admit one of my favorite things about this place is the music selection. W, you would have loved it. Free wireless and the Decemberists. So the Grind is a good local option for me to go and take my book out for coffee. I don’t know if it is my favorite coffee shop, but there are many more places I need to check out.

Hopefully, when the weather warms up there will be more posts about me exploring Chicago.

Also, Happy Chinese New Year (it’s this weekend).

I have horrible taste in men.

2007-02-14T21:57:00.000-06:00

My friends have told me that I have horrible taste in men. An old boyfriend said I have horrible taste in men (and that was when I was dating him). So according to popular consensus I have horrible taste in men.

On this Valentine's Day, I called my mother and this is what she had to say in the course of the conversation: "Well, men just aren't that great. They're not!" (I love my mother. ) And yet at the same time, she is still wildly optimistic about finding a companion. And I hope with all my heart she does.

She wanted to make sure that I didn't have any wild ideas about men on white horses and such. I assured her that any wild dreams had died long ago. I am not looking for a knight in shining armor to save me or any of that shit.

Honestly, I am looking for a companion, some one to keep me company. I need some who can carry on a good conversation and not just some one who can listen but who can make me see things differently. A man with similar interest, but not identical. I am looking for a man who I enjoy spending time with and spending time way from. I am want a man who is there for me but not some one there to fix or save me. The thing is I am not really looking for anyone, yeah part of me is tired of being alone. But quite honestly part of me couldn't give a shit. Life goes on, alone or with some one. The important thing is to do what you need to do to live.

I have better things to do besides care about men who aren't that great. ; )
And, I have a fridge full of Blue Moon, the greatest cat in the world, loads of great music, some good books, and awesome friends and family. If only spring would get here I would be perfectly happy. But for out of this world happiness I would need to be traveling.

XOXO

A Women's Wish List

2007-01-24T21:29:00.000-06:00

1. Command Time: Thus I would be able to fast forward through the winter doldrums and St. Valentine's day(one of the evil-est day of the year for singles).

2. Lose Weight: I don't think this needs an explanation.

3. Telaporter: Then I could visit any one, any where.

4. Debt Free: With no debt I would be free to do so much more.

5. Hot Sugar Daddy with No Strings: I would say a real man, but they seem to be rather thin on the ground or at least in Chicago.

A while

2007-01-21T22:54:00.000-06:00

I have grown wearing of burying feelings and thoughts as quickly as they were born. Aborting them before they have even the potential to cause trouble, heartache and regrets. Nothing stays buried even with cement shoes and 50lbs iron weights. Dead bodies float, get dug up, the evidence remains. Specters shadow your steps through life since they are parasites feeding off of your heart which never forgets. Your past isn’t marked by what you remember, which is a lie, but rather the state of your heart.

My heart is not in bad shape but neither is it in good shape. Like very thing else in the world the two guiding principles are in affect, irony and relativity. My heart if I had to describe the state of my heart it is not a trusting heart. There is little else I could say with certainty other than that my heart is not a trusting heart. It is sad the strongest description is a negative one. If only I could have written that mine is a warm heart, an open heart, a big heart, a caring heart, a forgiving heart, a merciful heart. Any of these would have been a more welcome description than an untrusting heart. But it is a true reflection of my past and of who I am.

But as I write this I feel like I am making excuses. I do not want to do that. And although I feel I do have reasons behind why my heart bears these scars, I also understand that I have for too long let my scars dictate my choices and thus my future. So, as always I form a new wish and dream and set out again.

To Beginnings

2007-01-14T23:51:00.000-06:00

Entertaining. It is odd what people find entertaining. Everyone has different tastes; to each their own. What I find entertaining is entertaining. Or at least I enjoy entertaining. This weekend was a weekend in many ways of beginnings. A baby girl who will one day be an amazing women was born and I had my first dinner party. In magnitude the birth far out ways the concocting a dinner of pastas and desserts. But since I was not there for the birth, I will have to resort to writing about my own beginning and why it was so important to me.

Last year when I was far away from everyone. I dreamed of cooking for people. Of getting my family together and cooking a meal and just talking. This thanksgiving half fulfilled that wish, by having all the family that could be there, there to celebrate. It was a great evening which reinforced the correctness of my choice to move back to Chicago so I could be close to them.

Another one of my dreams was to have friends over and cook for them, to sit around enjoying good food and great conversation. This wish was half fulfilled last night. I did get to cook for people, maybe not my friends but my roommates friends all the same I truly enjoyed it. I invited a few people from work, who were kind enough to show up and seemed to enjoy themselves. I appreciated that. My roommates friends were very gracious in their praise and enjoyment. I cooked nothing fancy. At the same time, people really seemed to enjoy it. It wasn’t because I am a especially good cook but it’s because people don’t cook very much anymore. People don’t get the opportunity to in our busy world, so they don’t get the enjoyment, the simple enjoyment of creating some thing good. A at work couldn’t believe that what I wanted to do on my day off was to cook for people, he found it odd and maybe it is. There’s the thing, I don’t just enjoy making food, I enjoy sharing food. There is something good about sharing ones food. By saying, come eat, have a good time, enjoy your friends, this is life.

Bit by bit I move forward. Last night was good. Hopefully, it will not be a singular event, but the beginning of a tradition of dinner parties filled with good food, great people and fullness. To my little beginning.

Happy Birth Day.

2007-01-13T02:08:00.000-06:00

Yeah for Zoe.
Today my friends had their first baby.
So, here’s to new beginnings and being an auntie.
Congrats, proud parents.

So Not Excited

2007-01-08T00:07:00.000-06:00

I should have felt well anything different then how I felt. I should have been upset, not mildly amused and happy. Tonight I was supposed to me a guy for coffee after work. On my way down to Intelligentsia I thought about how this was probably doomed since the guys name is one I equate with trouble(and not in the good way). Walking down Broadway past used bookstores and clothing stores I thought about dating. I haven’t done much dating. Honestly any teenager has probably gone on more dates than I have. I counted(these are one date or more):
M
Z
J
B
E
A
M
L
I think that’s it. How many is that? Eight. Wow. Now guys that I didn’t tech. date but had weird undefined things with are (A might fall under that too):
E
M
J
Three more brings us to 11. Wow. So the idea is this year to date more men the I have dated or a had something with in my entire life. As in one date or coffee or whatever a month. At the least it will be good practice. Well at least that is what Xee would tell me. I am going to listen to her and date more. Am I excited about this? Honestly not really. I was not upset when I got stood up tonight, in all honesty I was kind of relieved. Just as a contrast. Guy friends:
R
J
J
Z
A
M
W
M
Eight. Umm, yeah. With kind of guy friends.
B
N
M
Hmm, so yeah same number. Odd. Okay, now me plus guy I like that equals stupidity and craziness. No wonder I was happy to be stood up. As Xee says I got trust issues, amongst other things. It really is no wonder that out of my friends I am still single. And, right now okay with that. But if that man of my dreams shows up, well then all bets are off. The happiest stood up person ever.

I'd like to feed you.

2007-01-03T22:52:00.000-06:00

I love Chicago. I like New York, I like Seattle, but I love Chicago. If I decided where I should live based on where my friends live, Chicago would not be high on the list. Heck, Ames Iowa would actually beat it out. I moved to Chicago because I love Chicago. And I’m crazy. In addition I like challenges, while in other ways I also don’t like failing. You maybe wonder where I am going with all of this. I actually do have a point. How does failure and Chicago relate? Before I left Chicago for Korea, I failed to make new friends. I moved to Chicago with a group of friends and when they left I was pretty much alone in Chicago. During that year, I failed to make any new friends. My friends that were around the Midwest were awesome in trying and going out of their way to visit me when they could, for which I am very grateful. It still does not make up for the fact I failed.

One of the things I would like to work on this year is making new friends. This is not an easy task, especially for me. I’ve never really made friends easily for various reasons. Part of my failure is due to my trust issues(ever perennial), lack of confidence, self-consciousness, oddness, and being afraid(I can‘t quite claim shyness). All issues I need to work on except the oddness; I think that is incurable. I want to make Chicago my home, thus I want to make a home with friends. It sounds so easy but how do you find friends with like interests and such? It takes time and not coming off like a crazy person in part.

Part of my “blog”(a.k.a. rant/drivel) stems from a desire. I enjoy cooking for people. I like it when people eat my food. Lately this itch to cook has been growing. I want to cook for people. Here’s the crook, I don’t really have people to cook for because I still haven’t made any new friends. I have people at work I enjoy talking to at work but I am unsure about trying to make it just a more than work thing. So the question becomes who can I invite? Who should I invite? Should I even try? Yes. I should. So wish me luck.

Never mind, my dinner party just became my roomies boyfriend’s belated b-day party.

Happy New Years, no really.

2007-01-02T22:54:00.000-06:00

Sorry, I just realized my previous post was a poor reflection on how good my new years was. It was not morose but quite awesome. I got to spend it with great friends and their significant others(actually quite significant).

If you think we are oddly dressed blame it on the 80's(this is was supposed to have a flickr picture but it's being a #$%&* right now, so click over and you can see pictures from New Years. More will be posted later.). Yes, that is right we went to an 80's party at the Cobra Lounge. What made it great was spending it with good friends. The dj was a sad Flock of Seagull's wearing man, who could have been well replaced with an I Love the 80's cd, some Depeche Mode, Joy Division, etc best of cds. The Cobra Lounge did get points for a good staff, nice decor(totally not a dive bar), a good group of people but not to crowded.
So I rang in the new year not with a kiss(which was my choice) but with hugs from friends. A great way to ring it in. So here's to a new year. A year of friends and good things.

Echoes from after midnight: Conversations

2007-01-02T21:39:00.000-06:00

Romantic.

I am supposed to be the romantic one, which just proves how contrary I can be. When some one argues for romanticism and I end up waging the battle for pragmatism; obviously something has altered in the universe. Or maybe it’s a sign of things changing which is good. Part of me would like to be romantic, but I’ve wasted too much of my life on vain hopes and dreams. All that happens is me ending up looking like a crazy fool. Neither of which are things I enjoy being. So, a little less of that in the coming year would be a good thing.

Trust.

Yes, I have trust issues. Everyone who knows me pretty much knows I have trust issues. Especially with the opposites sex in conjunction with relationships. It should be something I should work on. Do I feel like working on them? Not really. I have those issues for many reasons, and to be honest I am not motivated enough to work on them(i.e. lonely or interested). So the trust issues are going to lie at the bottom of the list.

Friends.

Awesome. I am looking forward to seeing my friends as much as possible as well as trying to make new ones. Lots of good things are happening in the next year or so for them and I am happy that I will get to be a part of those things. Thank goodness for good friends and good things happening for them.

Dream/Hope . . . I don’t know. I’ll just have to wait and see.

Kind of

2006-10-25T17:12:00.000-05:00

Temporary reprieve.
Right now I have a temporary reprieve. I accepted a temporary two month position for an office position. It's something and it will give me more experience. It has the possibility of turning into a permanent position, but who knows. So, here's to a temporary reprieve. I forgot that Halloween is a magic time for employment. When I was living in the commune in Ukie Village, everyone got employed in time for the Halloween party. Look it's Halloween and there's a party.

double buddha

2006-10-24T21:17:00.000-05:00

PICT1138
Originally uploaded by punk_rock_baby.

Taking a break from the resume and cover letter b.s. I've been organizing sets from my Thailand trip. Food and Buddha are up now. Food has descriptions and notes. Buddha doesn't even have titles, but there are some good pictures in there. I hope you take a look. There were a lot of pictures I posted, I thought this would make it easier for people to see what I saw in Thailand. I hope you guys enjoy them. Maybe one day I'll get to go back, but first Italia and Prague. Enjoy.

Incoming

2006-10-20T10:30:00.000-05:00

Incoming
Originally uploaded by punk_rock_baby.

Ah, id inspired indulgance.
Otherwise known as Seattle here I come, ready or not.
I'll let you know when but the ticket has been purchased.
Start the list of any baked goods you want now.
Or anything you want for Chi town.
Trouble is going west.

Paprika

2006-10-19T15:34:00.000-05:00

Ego Baby
Originally uploaded by punk_rock_baby.

Dreams. Hopes. Wishes. Desires.

I love Satoshi Kon. He does amazing things with anime and is one of the directors I can point to illustrate that anime is a valuable genre capable of doing amazing things. Last night I saw “Paprika” which was being showed as part of the Chicago International Film Festival(which I love). “Paprika” revolves around dreams, hopes, wishes, desires, and balance. Balance is a key issue here. Kon himself does a good job of balancing insight without getting too heavy. Nothing is really startlingly new or inventive, but rather playful and possess questions but not answers. It’s a movie that tickles your mind, while entertaining your senses. Overall, it’s interesting although the story is some what compacted and slightly crammed due to the fact it’s an adaptation of a novel. It doesn’t have the seamlessness of some of his other works, but is still very good. The “What the fuck?” aspect of his work wasn’t really there since I am used to him playing with his audience a great deal more than in this film. (I say, “What the fuck?” since that is the general reaction of people to his work.) If you haven’t seen his other work, do. “Millennium Actress” is still one of my favorite films. Amazing.

Aliens

2006-10-13T22:07:00.000-05:00

I love me a man with a shotgun.

“I like to keep this handy for close encounters.”

Can you guess what movie that is from?

Yep. Aliens.

It’s Friday the Thirteen and I’m watching the Special Edition of Aliens while slugging back some beer and chowing down on some dumplings. Just what a girl needs after interviews and dead ends. As my brother said Aliens is a family favorite movie; god knows how many times we watched this movie.

Actually to be honest I had a bit of crush on Hicks. ; ) It’s not even that he’s really attractive in a physical sense. But yeah total hotness. He’s a strong guy, caring but secure enough to stand beside a strong women. Hotness.

Anyways, this movie began my love of movies with great supporting characters. I always thought that this movie developed all of it’s characters with in a short time, so that when they died you actually felt something rather than just loosing another red shirt. Also it’s a great Sci-fi movie with an intelligent female lead. Not like Resident Evil or Ultraviolet(which I haven’t seen). Ripley was a bad ass, even if she can‘t drive a tank well. She can drive a lift like a mother fucking pro. “Where do you want it?”

Love it.

Happy Cookies

2006-10-10T10:11:00.000-05:00

Happy Cookies
Originally uploaded by punk_rock_baby.

brav·er·y [bráyvəree, bráyvree]
great courage: extreme courage in the face of danger or difficulty, or an example of extreme courage

[Mid-16th century. From French braverie or Italian braveria , both ultimately from Italian bravo “bold” (source of English brave).]

des·per·a·tion [dèspə ráysh’n]
1. recklessness: recklessness brought on by great urgency and anxiety
2. hopelessness: a condition of being without hope

Encarta ® World English Dictionary © & (P) 1998-2004 Microsoft Corporation. All rights reserved.

A year of desperation. A year of desperate acts, of foolish acts, of cowardly acts.
Now is the time for bravery(and I don’t mean the band).
I’m tired of being afraid; of fucking up my life because I am afraid.
I understand why I felt the way I did, but that’s no excuse.
I’m tired of past hurts and mistakes eating away at my future.
No more. I’m going to fall down. I’m going to get hurt, but that’s okay.
I am sorry for all the people though who have been affected by my choices.
I am thankful for all the people who have been there for me time and time again.

Love you guys.

When I wasn't stupid.

2006-10-01T10:31:00.000-05:00

punk_rock_baby copy
Originally uploaded by punk_rock_baby.

I’d like to take a moment on this beautiful Sunday morning to explain why I do stupid things. And just off the bat I would like to thank my friends and family for accepting the stupid things I do, accept me, and for occasionally taking the mickey out on me for them(it‘s good for me). ; )

I’ve been thinking a lot more than what’s good for me lately, with all of the free time that comes with unemployment. People keep saying that it’s great and a really big thing that I moved to Korea for a year. Not really. Korea was good in some ways, because I learned a lot which I will hopefully remember. But in all honesty looking back on it, I’m such a chicken shit.

I did go to learn about Korea and to have new experiences, but really part of me was running away. I felt I need a change and like most people instead of making the internal changes I really needed I instead choose to change an external factor because it was easier. Thus I took the easy way out. The thing is the problems didn’t vanish, but instead I carried them with me to Korea.

I do stupid things. Why? My stupidity is rooted in two main issues my lack of trust and my lack of faith(in some ways in one thing).

I’ve always had issues trusting other people. It’s why I’m not always friendly to new people. Or why I don’t date most men. I just don’t trust them, I don’t see why I should. After I get to know someone then I tend to trust them whole heartedly. I think the implicit trust gets me into more trouble than not trusting people since I’ve had many people break that trust, in very painful ways leaving open wounds. Thus, because of that I don’t trust people.

My lack of trust in people is part of why I don’t have faith. It’s hard to trust everything will be alright when you can’t even trust people, when you can’t even trust your friends(this does not apply to any of the current ones). I don’t have faith that people aren’t going to hurt me. In fact I know they will hurt me, it’s part of loving people. I hurt when they hurt. It’s why I take time to warm up to people and guys, sometimes eons.

So I have trust and faith issues that are the root of why I do stupid things often, here’s the kicker it isn’t them it’s me. Unfortunately I am not stupid enough to not realize it’s all my own goddamn fault. ; ) (It’s a good thing I can laugh at myself.)

The problem really isn’t trusting other people or having faith, it’s having trust and faith in myself. I could give the reasons why(and there are reasons why), or make excuses, or dodge the bullet, but why? The sum result is I don’t trust my own decisions. I don’t trust myself not to do something stupid, meaning I’m always second guessing and questioning things. And I don’t have faith in myself, in my actions, and in my decisions. You see I ran away from these problems, but they were waiting for me when I got back(resilient buggers). I thought Korea was going to be a year of peace of getting away from everything, from where I wasn’t going, to men, to everything. But even halfway around the world you can still make stupid decisions. Part of me went to find out about this whole Korean part of me, of the orphan, the baby someone didn’t want.

I guess that is the third issue I’m still dealing with, being wanted. And once again, I have to want myself, to like myself. I hate compliments. I really do, especially from men. Because I feel like they are saying it to get something they want or that they aren’t really complimenting me since I had nothing to do with the way genetics made me look.(Sorry, mini-rant)

I hate internal crap, it’s so stupid. And so am I. This isn’t meant to be a self-pitying rant, if it sounds that way I’m sorry. This is more like me standing up in a group meeting and saying “Hi, my name is Kate. I’m an idiot who has trust, faith and self-confidence issues.” Admitting you’re stupid is the first step in making yourself better. : ) So here’s to admitting my stupidity. And thank you all of putting up with it so admirably. Love you guys.

Apple Pie Goodness

2006-09-29T17:08:00.000-05:00

Apple Pie Goodness
Originally uploaded by punk_rock_baby.

Sometimes you just need to kick yourself in the head. Sorry for the long wait for a post(I’ve got about a half dozen half finished ones), but I’ve been busy. I just came to realize that I’ve only been unemployed about a month and only in the States for a little over two weeks. In the last month I have been to Korea, Hong Kong, all over Thailand, Japan, Chicago, Kansas City and Ames(and a couple of other place in route to destinations). Right now I am currently freaking out about being unemployed(because I hate not having some thing to do and no income). But then wait, I’ve only been in the States for two weeks. Am I over reacting? Yes. Why am I over reacting? Because I don’t want to leave. The back up plan is moving back over seas. Here’s the thing, I don’t want to do that.

Here’s how I’m feeling. In some ways it feels like not a lot has changed since I left. Maybe that is what is elevating my freak out level is that coming back to Chicago every thing is the same. It’s like I never left and I left for a reason(or several) but on top of that I’m now also unemployed which is a step backward not forward. I’d like to move forward now. At the same time I’m really, really ready for something new.

I’m going to stop whining now. Okay, so the question is what is it I want? I want a job or jobs where I’m learning useful skills and I am able to make rent and such. Where? Major city please. That’s the short term goal. The slightly longer term goal is to have a place where I can feel at home. The last place wasn’t really homey more a like a place I slept. The runny joke was I only came home for apple juice. More over I want a place where I can cook and bake for people. A place where I can entertain or at least stuff my friends full of tasty and there for unhealthy food while we sit around talking and having a good time. I also would like to visit people, you know stay in touch with people. Yeah, that’s what I want. And eventually I’d like to be wrecking havoc in Italia and Prague.

So what am I doing to achieve these goals?

I’m looking for a job and I’m going to keep looking for one. I think I’m going to broaden where I’m looking for jobs, as in outside of Chicago, but not Ames(it’s a cult and they want me to join).

I bought homey things for when I get a home. I bought some beautiful pottery while I was in Korea, since right now everything I own could probably fit in the back of a mini van(actually I know it could). I’m also starting to brush up my cooking and baking skills. I made a pie the other day and was very happy with how it turned out. I was very happy making it too. I may bake tomorrow too just because I found a cool recipe(honey brownies). Now, I just need people to bake and cook for nearby.

Yes, and I need to make more friends. And especially more single friends. Nothing makes you feel older then when all of your friends are either in stable relationships or have great careers or having babies and/or buying homes. Dead envious, but that’s what I get for f*cking off to a foreign country for a year.

Oh, everyone hide. I got a learner’s permit. Now, I just need some one to teach me how to drive. This is the whole being able to keep in touch with people, being able to drive to see them. So, one day at a time. Kicking it as I go.

Farmer's Tan

2006-09-04T08:40:00.000-05:00

PICT1065
Originally uploaded by punk_rock_baby.

Ugh, I have tons of new pictures but the computer is too old to upload them. So it's a simple blog post for now. Maybe in Chiang Mai, I'll be able to do it. So I've been busy, to not bore you with the details I'll just outline it for you.

Sat:
Wat : Where a man kissed me on the cheek and tried to take me some where. It was actually kind of weird, but not scary for so me reason, maybe because I was in a Buddhist temple.

Train to Phitsanuluk: I meet a Japanese women who was traveling to Ayuthaya because she couldn't go to Angkor Wat like she planed. She had been to many of the places I want to go like Italy and Prague.
Sawngthaew(pick up trunk with benches and a top) to bus station, bus to Sukhothai, sawngthaew to Garden House meet a couple from Rome. Very friendly manager. Okay meal at Night Market, internet, and a trip to Seven Eleven. Sleep!!

Sun: Old Sukhothai
Got up before the cocks, and headed off to Old Sukhothai which is an hour away by sawngthaew. I visited the first wat on foot then realized I did want a bike, so I rented a crocadile bike for twenty baht(a post later about all the things you can buy with twenty baht). The best thing I did. I rode a bike around to most of the wats. It was great. Pictures when I'm not using a deralict computer. The weather was wonderful, I love being wrong. But, of course I was a dumb ass and forgot to put on sunscreen(cause you know it's rainy season). Guess who has farmer's tan. I do!! Oh, look at the red tourist. It hurts, I can't remember the last time I've been this burnt.

Back in New Sukhothai I walked down to a market I saw coming back from Old Sukhothai. Great!! I have more wonderful pictures of a country market. I love farmers markets back in the States, so this was paradise for me. You could buy bugs, curry in bags, sausages, sweets, fruit, everything. And the nice thing was it all looked good and clean. The only times I wish I was traveling with someone is when I eat, so I could try more food. Ah, people were really nice too.

After the market I headed to a resturant I had passed on the way down. It had all the food layed out front, curries, raw veggies, fried fish, etc. She recommended a green curry that was delicious and chocked full of one of my favorite herbs, basil. After that it was back to the guesthouse for a bit of a break and then out again.

I decided to go to the Dream cafe, because it was supposed to have great desserts and a nice atmosphere. The atmosphere was definately nice but the desserts were all ice cream. I ordered coffee and fried bananas. I only eat cooked bananas which I love. I can't eat them raw(I know I'm weird). Bed.

Mon: Lopburi

I was supposed to go to Si Satchanalai-Chaliang Historical Park two hours from New Sukhothai. It's similar to Old Sukhothai but less busy. I decided the day before while sitting next to a pond that I wanted to see more Khmer style temples, so I thought why not go to Lopburi. Okay, here's the thing Lopburi is like three hours from Bangkok. So, I was going backwards(which is so like me). So, I got up early and took a train from Phitsanulok to Lopburi. And was planning on just taking a sleeper train from Lopburi to Chiang Mai the next night.

As always things didn't work out that way. Once I got to Lopburi they told me the rail is still out to Chiang Mai. So at midnight tonight I get on a train to Phitsanulok and then a bus on to Chiang Mai. Actually a day is all you need in Lopburi, but what a day it's been. The ruins are nice, but Ayuthaya's are probably better. Lots of pict(damn computer). I was a bif of a moron today but it worked out well. I was looking for a ruin and the thing was I had already been to it(dumbass).

Anyways, hot and lost I was wandering around when a police officer asked me where I was going. I showed them. One of them said he would take me. So today I got to ride behind a cop on a motorcycle in Thailand. Awesome. Then, after he took me to where I had already been I decided food and some rest would be good.

One place was closed, but luckily I stumbled onto a better place called the White Garden. A little girl waved me in so how could I not go there. It has a great atmosphere and nice staff. Actually they gave me some plantains to feed the elephant that came by while I was eating. I got to feed an elephant. After that I headed into monkey territory. Monkeys rule this town and there are a lot of them.

I took some pictures as I wandered down the street towards the main monkey infested temple. I can now say I've been crawling with monkeys. Seriously, I was covered in monkeys before I knew it. I was focusing on taking a picture,and then I was photo opp. myself. I learned today to stare down the young males and if one goes for your leg step towards it. They are young so it was okay, the older males would have been another issue. I realized later the other tourists had been give wooden sticks to keep the monkeys at bay.

So, tonight and tomorrow to Chiang Mai, I'm not sure where I will be staying of what I will be doing but that is Thailand. I'm having a great time as burnt as I am. Ah, wonderful. More later. This post is long enough and I'm leaving things out too. Take care!! Lah gorn!!

This is the Fort

2006-09-02T09:01:00.000-05:00

This is the Fort
Originally uploaded by punk_rock_baby.

Ah, that's kind of funny. Maybe it's just the lack of sleep after my brain refused to shut down and sleep last night.

A storm is coming. Of all the predictable ironies, the weather has been great while I've been trapped in planes and trains, but now that it's time for me to walk around it's going to piss cats and dogs. But, to be honest it doesn't surprise me. The nice weather surprised me. I am now in Sukhothai in Northern Thailand. I am getting ahead of myself though. Back to Bangkok and the Farang alley.

After having a great dinner during which many things were discussed and Zack made the realization I'm not funny(yeah, yeah, just funny looking) after knowing me for eigjt months or so. He was dead tired, but I wasn't so we split up. I posted last night's entry and then decided to walk about. I like walking. I really like just walking around and getting the feel of a place, which is exactly what I did. During my walk I took pictures of the fort, saw a VW van that was also a bar(one which I will have to visit when we get back), some funny t-shirts, cds, and old Bruce Lee posters in Thai. I also so a shit load of tourist from all over the world. And most importantly I saw my first elephant in Thailand. A man was walking a baby elephant down the street. I was too suprised and tired to take a picture. Maybe next time when we go back. I finally packed in about midnight knowing we would have to get up early to so Zack could catch the bus to Chiang Mai and me my train. Unfortunately the lack of sleep is catching up with me and I think I'm going to stop before the rambling increases. More latter, maybe tomorrow after some sleep. Tomorrow I go to Old Sukhothai, the sight of the first Thai state(c. 12-13th century).
Bye, for now.

Ton Pho

2006-09-01T11:12:00.000-05:00

Ton Pho
Originally uploaded by punk_rock_baby.

Hello from Bangkok!
I'm a little tired so forgive any spelling or grammar errors. It's been a long day. I took a bus from Hwajeong(now dubbed the "toilet") at 6:30 this morning for the airport while a Yeah, Yeah, Yeahs song played in my head. I meet up with Zack to board Thai Airway's flight to Bangkok with a stopover in Hong Kong. In Hong Kong, I luckly had some greenbacks so we had a BBQ pork bun, an egg tart, and a Tsing Tao which made us reminise about Chicago's Chinatown. After getting back on the plane, Zack watched a movie while I tried to stuff Thai into a weary brain.

Once we arrrived and breezed through customs we ended up across the street at the train station where a nice Thai man helped us get tickets into Hualamphong train station to buy tickets to Chiang Mai and Philtsanlok. He also taught us how to say thank you. The train was slow which allowed us to get familiar with the Bangkok. Bangkok is not a clean city. As we rode into town we passed by hovels of coregated metal, shiny glass buildings, lots of pictures of the royal family, several vibriant colored wats and a colonial style condominam called Monte Carlo. We had a weary Japanese tourist sitting across from us on the hard seats. A women with a basket walked up and down the train selling food and water. And the Thais across the wait spoke to us in broken English.

Upon arriving at the train station we found our first glitch. Luckly it was one easily remedied. The train to Chiang Mai is not running because last night rain caused the train to derail and end up in a river. Two people were killed as a result. Zack will be taking a bus. And I'll be taking a train to Phitsanlok.

Out of time. Later People!

Going

2006-08-30T19:32:00.000-05:00

the first and last time
Originally uploaded by punk_rock_baby.

Hi Everyone,
This will probably be the last post I do from Korea unless I have time to do one more when I'm staying with Jasmine my last night in Korea. Tonight is my last night in Korea before I head off to Thailand. Things have been busy, which is why there are not as many posts as I would have liked. Maybe when I get back I'll get around to them during my days of unemployment.

I'm looking forward to Thailand. It's going to be interesting because most of it isn't set, which is nice. I'm looking forward to just figuring things out, going where I want to go and having fun. I'll try and check e-mail every couple of days. Hopefully, I'll get to do some on the road posting of pictures and blogs.

I'm looking forward to whatever happens next.

It's been a hard year. Like all years it's had it's good parts and it's crap parts. I'm happy for the friends and experiences I've had here, but it's time to go home for a bit. There are things I will miss, but overall I have learned alot. So, to new adventures and to going home(which should be another adventure). I hope people are doing good.
Take care!!!

Jasmine and I

2006-08-27T12:17:00.000-05:00

Jasmine and I
Originally uploaded by punk_rock_baby.

It looks like it’s going to be a grey, rainy day in Hwajeong. I have things I should be doing up, they’ll get done later. Right now I just kind of taking things off. It’s my last weekend of relative normalcy before running around like a chicken with a lot of buses, trains, planes to catch and no head. I spent most of yesterday running errands as well as having my farewell gathering so, I’m a little tired. Later I’m heading out to meet Jasmine to do some last minute shopping for Thailand and such. But this early afternoon is for e-mails and blog posts.

It doesn’t feel like I’m leaving. I got together with a bunch of friends and co-workers last night and it just felt more like a we’re all just getting together and having a good time like normal, not like this is the last time I’m going to see you for a while or ever. I have to say over all I’m happy to be leaving. I like Korea, but I want to go home. Maybe I will be back if things don’t work out back home. Who knows? I don’t really. It doesn’t bother me not knowing what’s next(the money worries me, but that’s life). The odd thing about Korea is that it has made me feel old. It’s not really an age thing, although that ties into it. I just feel much older this year, and I’m not sure why. It’ll be interesting to see how I feel when I get back.

What was I really going to post about? I forgot. It probably doesn’t matter. Not much really does.

I need to learn how to drive.

2006-08-20T09:10:00.000-05:00

The weather in Korea has become unseasonably cool, but no one is complaining. Supposedly it’s the spin out from a typhoon that didn’t hit us(thank goodness). It’s already noon, but Korea is just waking up. Koreans are kind of late risers. Sometimes when I’m out at six in the morning people are sobering up over samgapsal or stumbling home and the street cleaners are out cleaning up the litter from the previous night. So things are slowly starting to move down below.
I’m feeling a bit old school today. It’s been all Sex Pistols, Clash, Dead Kennedys and the Cure. It’s Sunday here, a day of rest, but not really, “No rest for the wicked“. I am working slowly on resumes and cover letters. Have I mentioned I hate selling myself? Soon, I’ll leave here and head to the gym. After that it’s errand running. I need to get moving even though I’ve been up for hours. More to do. In some way I feel like I haven’t done enough, yet coming to the end I don’t feel like going and doing those things. I’ve never really gone for a good hike, or visited all the palaces, and there is still a lot of Korean food I haven’t had but I don’t really care.

Korea was supposed to be an experience of a lifetime, and it has been just not in the way I expected it to be. I’m not disappointed, just reflective this morning. I came here to learn about Korea, but really I came to learn about me. I’ve learned a bit, but probably not as much as I should have or needed to. It’s been a good experience for me, I don’t regret coming here. I enjoyed my time here and yet I can’t wait to move on to what comes next. There’s always the next thing. What ever that maybe? You think I would feel more like I’m at a cross road since I have no job, but the potential for a job. No home, so the chance of living anywhere. Nothing is set, so I should be worried or expectant but I am neither this morning. I’m just waiting and workings slowly forward, and that’s fine with me. It’s going to rain today. It’s interesting I never know what the weather is going to be like it just is, if it rains it rains, if it doesn’t it doesn’t. No forecasts.

Please stop touching me.

2006-08-17T10:40:00.000-05:00

I think it's time for me to go home. I'm tired of random people grabbing at me and babbling at me, who then get offended when I brush them off. The last week or so I gotten grabbed at least once a day by someone either trying to sell something or trying to convert me. Please, leave me alone. One I can't buy what you are selling even if I understood you and I don't want your Jesus(I'll rant about Korean Christianity some other time).

The thing is I know they are not being rude or invasive, because in Korean society personal space is a concept that really doesn't exist. I know this for fact because I've lived with it for almost a year now. Part of it stems from the way the families live. Culturally, there really isn't personal space(unless you're beating your wife, then no one is going to call the cops because that's a personal affair which is different as a co-teacher found out). When you brush into someone in American you usually say you're sorry, not so here. And you would never grab a strangers arm and hold on to it because you wanted to tell them something, but here it's no big deal. Sometimes this is especially worrisome with drunk ajashi's. Another side affect of no personal space is Korean tend to not be really aware of others because it doesn't really matter if you bump into someone else you do it really hard. I don't know how many times, I've narrowly avoided some one because they decided to stop and turn around at full speed. Or the times I've had to push out of an elevator because some one is pushing their way in. Ah, yeah. I can't wait til I'm back in a country were people actually walk and stop grabbing me. This is just a little grit in the wheel.

The flip side is of no personal space is they tend to be really close. I still have students who walk arm and arm with their mom(and yes they are male). The families live in such close quarters, that they are often more physically close and physically affectionate. And it isn't' just families, it's also with friends. Often I see friends walking around arm and arm, both male and females. One of the things I noticed is that many young children travel alone. This doesn't seem to be a big deal, the parents aren't worried and don't believe they are in danger(and luckily they aren't). They are more likely to have a old ajashi tease them than them getting into trouble. There isn't the fear of strangers instilled in the children that you see back at home. Actually, a popular shirt right now reads,"A world with out stranger." And in Korea, I think that is really the case often. They are a warm people in many ways. So warm they'd like to save my soul. ; ) Ah, just a little grit and procrastination(from resumes and cover letters).

Ticket me.

2006-08-16T10:33:00.000-05:00

I'm going to Japan!!! For four hours. For four hours I will be in Narita airport. So technically I will have been to Japan. On the same note, I will technically be in Hong Kong, as in I'll be sitting in an airplane for an hour and a half before going to Thailand. So when I get back I can say I've been to South Korea, North Korea, Thailand, Hong Kong, Japan and who knows maybe Cambodia(I'll be close to Cambodia when I go to Ko Chang). Today, I got all of my airplane tickets for Thailand and home. So, people I will be leaving Korea on Sept. 13 and arriving Sept. 13 at O'Hare airport. When I left I was charged by a good friend who sucks at returning e-mails to come back a ninja, cowboy pirate. Yeah, failure on that count, but I'm coming back and that's the important part. Besides I'm better than any ninja, cowboy pirate. ; )

The guys

2006-08-14T09:47:00.000-05:00

The guys
Originally uploaded by punk_rock_baby.

Holy cow!(Hey, I'm from Wisconsin)
I have one month left.
I can't believe it's been almost a year since that picture was taken. It's been an interesting year. And now it's time to go home. In a month, I will be back in Chicago after spending a year in Korea and twelve days in Thailand. Home to be a couch sleeping, unemployed liberal arts major. Oh, the joy. Actually, I'm not being entirely sarcastic.

There are benefits to being unemployed(not many but a few). One of the benefits is freedom. What will I do with my freedom? I will sleep on couches. Serious couchage. I will be sleeping on friends and family members couches from Chicago, to Ames, to Kansas City, so far. The definate plans have not been ironed out yet, but they are starting to get worked out. So, if you wish to see me drop me a line, and I'll include you in my whirl wind couch adventures. I'm looking forward to getting back and seeing people.

Speaking of people. It looks like people had a good time at Gencon this year, which is great. I enjoyed the first round of photos, I hope to see more and stories(has there ever been a year, we didn't get a noise complaint?). Hopefully, someones got a mix cd for me too. ; )

There will be lots of short posts coming as I get ready to leave. It seems strange that I'm leaving. At the same time, I feel like I need to go home. Actually, I feel like I need a home. The last two years have been a little unsettling. It'll be nice to have a place to feel at home again. But first things first, job. Employment please! One month, and not counting. Just enjoying.

09/09/06

2006-08-09T11:08:00.000-05:00

Why is it a date? Well because in a month I will be traveling back from Chiang Mai to Bangkok. Two people who are awesome will be getting married. And my brother and sister-in-law will be flying away to Samara for ten months. It is a month away. Freaky.

Time is quickly rushing by. Part of me wishes it would hurry up so I can move on to what ever is going to happen next. The other part of me is going "Oh, crap. What are you going to do?" While another part is saying, "Jez, I'm going to miss this place. I'm going to miss my kids." So, conflicting feelings aside, there is a bit to wrap up before Thailand. We finally have the airfare pretty much nailed down thanks to Jasmine. Most of my room is packed up and sitting in boxes on my floor. Everything is on the floor even me. My laptop sits on a low table, and I sit on the floor. My legs fall asleep alot and I limp around going "owwww," most nights.

The intersting thing about living abroad for a year is it makes you realize a lot of things you take advantage of, like hugs, or even talking to people. Right now, I'm realizing how much you accumulate in a year. I came here with a suitcase, a duffel, and a laptop. Now, I'm sending home at least six to seven boxes. One box of winter clothing has been sent home. I've got two more boxes of cds and assorted stuff. And then three boxes are of books. I've actually been really good about not aquiring too many books, through re-reading books and re-selling them. Oh, the curse of being a bibliophile. I hate letting books go. I can't let go of a good book. But, it's time for me to go to bed. Good reading!!

Simplicity

2006-08-06T07:00:00.000-05:00

Simplicity
Originally uploaded by punk_rock_baby.

This rambling is about the new National History Museum in Seoul. The first time I tired to go to it I was shocked by the length of the line outside of the building, let alone the concept of how crushing it probably was inside. The building exterior is sleek modern design of soft grays and glass, softened by winding steps, a small pond, and some landscaping in the process of growing in. The inside of the building is done in light tans. After entering the building to the right, you can see a long sleek black counter labeled in several different languages. Help and programs are offered in several languages, including Japanese, English, Chinese and I believe French. Koreans are extremely proud of their history and eager to show it off to foreigners. Maybe this nationalism is heightened by the fact the Japanese and the Korean War destroyed so much culture and cultural artifacts. Most temples and palaces bear the stamp of restructuring or repairs due to Japanese Colonialism. I think that is crime the Koreans can’t forgive the Japanese for, for trying to eradicate they culture, their very being(although ironically, Western and Japanese culture are doing a good job of doing it with out colonialism).

Technically, the kids are off of school but they still have homework. Many of the kids there had notebooks that they were filling out as they walked around the exhibits. Some of the children were wearing the interactive guides that can be rented at many museums these days. In some ways, I don’t like Korean museums because they can more like going to a theme park than looking at interesting pieces of history since I had to stand in the lines to see the exhibits. Luckily, things thinned out so it lost some of that feeling. On the upside it was good to see so many children there. Another thing which surprised me was the photography. I don’t know if it’s just an Asian thing, but never in a million years would I have taken pictures in a museum in the States. But, after turning off my flash I started taking pictures. I wish I had taken notes, usually I do. I think I was too exhausted from taking the pictures, many took many tries to get since I was using really slow shutter speeds. So, all in all I enjoyed my day at the museum.

I’d like to say also that I really like early Korean metal work and later works of pottery. I think they are quite beautiful. I like celadon for it’s soft color and simplicity of shape often. The metal work I enjoy for it’s skill and intricacy. Also some of the inlay work is nice. I think it was in the practical things that Koreans really excelled at making wonderful pieces. I didn’t find the art work particularly interesting. I hope you enjoyed the pictures. Next weekend, it’s hopefully pottery shopping in Icheon.

Vacation

2006-08-03T10:38:00.000-05:00

View from the house
Originally uploaded by punk_rock_baby.

I had a lovely short holiday. And with all vacations I've settled back to earth with a thud. The thud is my sudden and inevitable ephiphany that I have only a month left until I'm once again an unemployed liberal arts major. Oh, the joy. (And yes, Will I can't believe it's been almost a year. Goodness.) So, off the to the races it is again. I started to send out resumes, but I am wondering if I should have waited since a) I'm hard to reach since I'm out of the country and in a different time zone (my phone only kind of works right now) b) it will be a month and a half before I can start work c) I'm currently homeless. None of the above mentioned is going to help me become employed sooner. But, I will endever to keep things moving.

Also, my apologies to the many people I owe e-mails. I've fallen off the e-mail train. I'm sorry and will try to get back to you as soon as possible. I'm also busy trying to figure out Thailand and wrap up thing I need to do and want to do in Korea. The dentist is over, as long as my wisdom teeth heal properly. And twelve days is not enought time in Thailand make it at least two full weeks or three weeks. So far it's Ko Chang, Chiang Mai and Bangkok, but that may change.

Back to my lovely vacation.

This is what I did:
I had a lovely bus trip out of Seoul to the south coast of Korea, near Pusan. I went to stay at Jasmines father's pension(the lovely pictures are on my flickr page) for one night and two days. It was well worth the 6 hour bus trip to and from Seoul. I really enjoyed the bus trip down due to Seoul's beautiful mountians and perfect weather, just the right balance of clouds to sunshine. That night we had a great feast of grilled pork, shrimp and eel(I love eel) with veggies and other assortment of goodies. The night was perfect for eating dinner out of doors under a cresent moon and the stars. I can't remember the last time I had seen stars. The pension over looks a bay which was sprinkled with a few lights, just enough to excentuate the darkeness. It was nice peaceful night. I could just have sat there listening to the wind playing with the leaves all night. There were only crickets talking, no sounds of man. Lovely. Peaceful and too quickly over. The next day we went to a pebbley beach were I got to swim in the Pacific for the first time. I had never swam in salt water before. I've seen the Pacific twice before, once I walked in the waves along a beach in Costa Rica and then again when I was in San Diego I ate brunch over looking the Pacific while getting a bit of a southern education. The water was cold, and reminded me of summers swimming in lake in upper Wisconsin. But, all to soon it was time for me to catch my bus home. It was nice trip full of courtious Koreans, beautiful drives through lush mountians and along rugged bays, and watemelon. Umm, a nice little memory of Korea to take home with me.

I hope everyone's making some good memories on the other side of the world. I miss you all, and hopefully I'll see some of you soon.
Cheers.

Sabasaba chicken

2006-07-23T00:08:00.000-05:00

Sabasaba chicken
Originally uploaded by punk_rock_baby.

I love food. I love eating different kinds of food. Heck, I love looking at different kinds of food. Yesterday, I whiled part of the day away looking at perfectly arranged displays of everything from fresh fish to red pepper paste covered vegetables. I like super markets(although I like markets even better) because you can see what people eat and often you can try different food. I really like farmer’s markets back home. I loved the fact that in the heart of business Chicago you can still see farmers markets on summer mornings. On Tuesdays during the summer I would often come home with whatever fresh fruit was in season. I liked it, I miss farmers markets. I haven’t seen really seen any farmers markets here. I’m looking forward to going to some in Thailand. I’m planning on taking a couple of cooking courses, which included trips to markets to buy ingredients. It should be a blast. One of the things I like about Korea is the food is so communal. You don’t really eat alone in Korea. And if you do have food you always share. When people drink, you eat. When people get together you eat. Food goes with having a good time in Korea, it goes with friends and family. Life is food, and the food in Korea if I had to describe it is simple, hearty, with a kick(either spicy or fishy), thus so is life. Korean fare is not a food for overly refined pallets, but it’s good wholesome food, warm. I’ll miss my steaming pots of sundubu(tofu stew with mushrooms, an egg, mussels, and onions) on cold nights.

Happy Consitution Day!

2006-07-16T18:20:00.000-05:00

Still raining, really it hasn’t stopped raining since the last post.
Happy Constitution Day! In Korea.

I don’t think they do anything special, like we do for the Fourth. They treat is like a day off. Oh, and it is a day off. So today’s post is going to be about vacations. In my limited work experience Koreans don’t get much vacation time. Jasmine got two days off after working at Hwajeong for two years. I think Monica is taking an extra day or two around Chuseok. Semi is leaving the school so she can travel, which is a shame because it would have been good for them to keep here around. But alas, there really is no vacation time.

There are official holidays like today. There are about ten days off or so sprinkled through out the year. Unfortunately the longer holidays are either during peak travel when it will cost you twice as much to travel(since everyone is off) or during family holidays(as in you have to visit your family or else). Chuseok and Lunar New Year are two family holidays where you have to go visit your family, and if you’re female you have to cook(especially if you marry the oldest son). I have five days off and I won’t be leaving the country because it is too expensive and I’d rather wait for Thailand. So this leaves very little time for relaxing for the women I work with. I have a little less sympathy for the men since most salary men I can see relaxing as they stumble home tipsy after drinks with their co-workers.

On the other hand Koreans still enjoy their time off. They love one day holidays. The men will often start drinking before the bus starts rolling, but it’s soju so yeah, not really drunk, just tipsy. Korea is a beautiful country with it’s rolling hills and mountains. And Koreans love these hills and mountains as they are avid hikers. They love hiking, they do it in droves, they also tend to drink and eat while doing and from what I hear they are very good at it. Any ajima could beat me any day of the week and trice over. Korea being so small (relatively) makes short trips easy. So while trips out side the country are not easy, short trips are attainable. The thing is what do Koreans want to do on vacation.

Well, since most of my time with Koreans students that is where I get some of my information. Often with the older kids we have lessons about different parts of the world. I asked them where they wanted to go on vacation if they could go anywhere. I don’t think they really cared where they ended up as long as they got to sleep in, eat and play. But in general they would say some English speaking country or maybe someplace in Europe like France or Italy. My older kids are always telling me they are either hungry, tired, or both. They will start summer vacation soon, maybe they will go on vacation and tell me about it, but I may not be here when they get back. Soon, I’ll be going on my own vacation.

jelly shoes and market day

2006-07-12T09:53:00.000-05:00

Look no picture.
I didn't take any pictures of the mini-flood. The remnant of a Typhoon E? has caused it to rain for the last 24 hours. Welcome to the wet season, kind of. Even for Korea this is a bit harsh, since part of the subway had to be close down due to flooding as well as several roads. I think I might need a bigger umbrella and more skirts, since I walked around my first class slightly damp around the hem. Also, jelly shoes which I consider a fashion tragedy maybe in my future just for convience sake.

Also market day is tomorrow. Guess when I offically found out about it? Today, kind of. I'm not sure what I will be doing really, since the assistant manager didn't have time to explain it but did have a meeting which I was unable to attend since they didn't tell me it was happening. This is one thing I will not miss, not finding things out til the last possible minute. The kids often know what is going on before the foreign teachers. For a culture that is supposed to be respectful, it's a kick in the face everytime. The thing is even when we ask what is going on they usually can't, won't or don't know themselves. Efficiency is not a word I would use to describe managment here. Ugh. Well, one thing is for certain I've gotten quite good at going with things on the fly and eating alot of shit. On the up side the kids will probably have a good time tomorrow, maybe pictures.

Stay dry.

Chicken Truck

2006-07-09T02:07:00.000-05:00

Chicken Truck
Originally uploaded by punk_rock_baby.

Itaewon is a place you can buy just about anything. Actually I’m joking the electronics are crappy and you can get better buys on imitation purses at Dongdaemun. But if you in the market for people or chipmunks you’re in luck. I wish I was joking. Yesterday as I was coming out of the bookstore a prostitute was trying (very early in the evening) to proposition an older gentleman who wanted nothing to do with her. The chipmunk looked lonely and bored sitting in his cage, as did his seller. All of this happened out on the street. If I haven’t mentioned it Korea has wide sidewalks, usually wide enough for a cart to set up and for people to gum up traffic if they stop to “eye shop(as they call it).”

Itaewon is mish mash of Korean and American influence with a dash of everything else mixed in. On weekends it’s a bazaar. Walking from one end to the other is not something one can do quickly. On one side there is traffic from people going in and out of western stores such as North Face and Nike, while on the sidewalk there are carts selling everything from touristy trinkets to Halloween masks. Mixed it with that are fruit sellers and yogurt ladies, adding to the congestion. Yogurt ladies who were yellow vests and have yellow coolers on a wheelie, filled with you guessed yogurt.

Itaewon is also a good place to get international food. Some of it is over priced crap, but a lot of it can be very enjoyable. Although the newest addition is a guy with a chicken shwarma rack in what can only be described as a crack between two buildings. You can get Indian, Thai, Javanese, Japanese, French, Italian, Mexican etc. I’m not guaranteeing quality or price, but it’s a nice change from everything covered in red pepper paste and “good for you”(everything Korean is good for you, at least that is what they tell me). There are also a few foreign food stores were you can pick up spices, canned dal, or tortillas. One of my favorite things about Itaewon is the used bookstores. Love them. I’m addicted. So, combine all of these factors and you get a lot of foreigners. Oh, I forgot one crucial factor the bars. Yes, it is bar city. On any given night you can here Russian, meet an Nigerian, get hit on by a slippery Frenchman, and drink down some beer with Canadians, Brits, Kiwis, and Irishmen. There is also a bit of a Muslim community with masjid, but you of course don’t meet them at the drinking holes.

One thing you will not find a large majority of are Koreans, although that is changing. Some Koreans are actually afraid of Itaewon. This maybe because Koreans have died in Itawon. In the Burger King bathroom as the rumor goes. Some bars have banned G.I.s and at night one will see military police patrolling. Why? Well for a combination of reasons. One could blame it all on the G.I.’s going with the over dramatized stereotype, which has some bits of truth, but lets be honest. Everybody’s a little bit racist(it’s a song from Avenue Q).

Koreans are a mostly homogeneous race. There aren’t a lot of mixed Koreans in Koreans, and they tend to be looked down upon. This was highlighted when Hines earned MVP during the last Super Bowl. Korea was excited about it because a half Korean had won it. The irony is if he was living in Korea, he would have been ostracized for being different and for being the son of a G.I. He has since visited and meet other children like him, talked to them and giving them hope. He also set up a charity for them. Which is good. I digress though. Koreans, especially Korean men sometimes do not like Korean women dating foreigners. Korean men will occasionally start things with foreign men who are with Korean women, especially if they are drunk. And it isn’t just they don’t like them dating Africans, it’s Caucasians too. But, especially if you are a G.I. If you have a degree from a prestigious university and a high paying job then it would probably be okay. At the same time, some Korean see marrying a foreigner as a great opportunity. Well, there are shades to every story.

Every time I take a Korean to Itaewon it is interesting, because I feel perfectly safe and at home while they dig their nails into my arm in nervous tension. I know they are afraid of this place that has lived so long in their memory as a terrifying place, as a place where savages kill Koreans. Where strange creatures eat unknown food, dance to loud music and drink the devil’s drink. It is a place of prostitutes, drunks, and violence. It is an unknown land in the center of their country. Actually, you can find prostitutes outside of Itawon sitting in windows under pink lights, and just walk down the street any night and you’ll see salary men being carried home after too much soju. Violence well, the closest a friend has ever gotten into a fight was in Korea. Personally, I find it all ironic and I like the food, but that’s Itaewon(kind of).

Glory, glory, behold my birthday "cake"!

2006-07-01T23:31:00.000-05:00

Glory, glory, behold my birthday "cake"!
Originally uploaded by punk_rock_baby.

We were upstairs, when this glowing "cake" was brought up. It was great. There is a Krispy Kreme down the street from Route 66 where we were drinking. Lovely. People came out and hopefully all had a good time. I did. It was a good low key night of talking, food, drinks, and most importantly of friends.

Techinically, it still is my birthday in the States, which is kind of nice to think about. It's like your birthday is a weekend, rather than just a day. I've gotten lots of nice e-mails from people, so thank you for the warm thoughts. What is even better was not sent but posted.*Warning: not a cheery post until the last bit.

My brother, Jeremy, also has a blog(link below the flickr badge or click on the title). The thing about my family is we don't communicate especially well with each other. We tend to do well when it's a one on one conversation, but throw more of us into the mix and it changes. We don't really do well in groups, maybe because the last time we were all together was the Easter of 2001, and we were all sitting in a line and in a prison. Not really the best place to have heart to hearts. The thing is we have all changed a great deal over time, alot of things have changed us too.

So, Jeremy and I both have a blog in which we occassionally write about our family, our family past and how we feel about our family. The strange thing is we tend to do this communcation, indirectly. Maybe it's easier for us this way. I know writing makes me feel better, to have it out(which is why some of my posts are truly written sh*t). Thus today's entery(which is about me) was great, because it allowed me to read about how he feels and then have the time to process it. It was good for me to know. I'm glad he did it even if I have to admit these things:

1) Yes, I was a loud mouth spoiled brat. I was Daddy's little girl. I was punished by Mom more than by Dad(sometimes at Dad's insistance). The interesting thing is by the time I hit junior high and high school, I wasn't loud outside of the house. And, I was no longer spoiled, actually I was punished often for not being home. I would have to come home for no reason other than they wanted me home, not to talk to me or to spend time with me(since by high school we didn't talk and we didn't spend time together). Let's say things were very different when you went to college. Dad lost his little sidekick and he wasn't always nice about it. (And yes, Dad does read these when he has internet access.)

2) Yes, I was more active outside of house in extra activities, and yes it was to escape home. School and activities, kept me busy. They gave me people whom I could spend time with and not get hurt by. I was not open, so I made no really intimate friends. I'm thankful for the friends I did have though, they were great. Especially, Amy, Theresa, Lindsey and Helen my senior year. With out them I probably wouldn't have made it through high school. On my eighteenth birthday, I was afraid I might be kicked out so I made arrangements with Theresa to stay with her parents if I was since they ran a home for single mothers. Sorry, not a fun post, but it gets better in a good way. So hold on.

3) As for the lost years, they were the dark years. And yes you did miss them for good or bad. We all changed alot in those years. Alot of us came out of them with scars, but we are growing from what we learned and we are no longer silent. So most importantly we have changed into better people, and in the end I think a better family. This is still an on going process but isn't everything.

4) It was good getting to know you at Beloit College. I was actually worried about going there, because I wasn't sure if you wanted me there. It wasn't until you said is was okay, that I felt I should go. It was a good year, and seeing you again this year was good too. Things happened between us, some not so nice, but that was long ago. It's nice now to remember the fun times at Beloit, like Christmas caroling, it made me remember the Jeremy who would invent games for us to play as kids, who tried to teach us Spanish in our basement, who I jumped up and down with on a bunk bed pretending we were going down the river in "Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom." I like those memories.

5) I'm a history major to the core. As a historian, I like looking back at things and fliping them over in my head. What comes out of this is that irony really does rule the world. I was invisible, but at the same time what made me invisible also made me a target. As visiable and vocal as I was as a child I changed into being invisiable and silent. I wanted to escape home, but when things went really bad that was where I was and where I needed to be. I never had much of a relationship with Mom growing up, but as a grown up we now have a very close relationship. Dad, whom I spent some much time trailing after, is the one family member I have the most complicated relationship with(you'd think it would be Josh). You say, I received less of Dad's wrath, but it was me who had to step up to Dad when his wrath was injustly applied to others. Something, I should have done more off.

I have regrets from my childhood. Sometimes I wish I had done more for Josh. If I had spoken to him more, given him more attention, been a sister maybe he wouldn't be where he is today. But, I didn't I ran away, to school, to activities, to college. I was so hurt by what he had done, that I couldn't forgive him and I couldn't be there when I should have been. I probably should have been there more for Paul too, who was so silent in his suffering and still is. I wish I could say I've been a good sister, but the thing about being the only sister is you are both the good sister and the bad sister by default.

Here's the silver lining. I love my family. As much crap that has happened, in a way it needed to happen. We are much better for it, because we have chosen not to remain silent any more, not to be distant, not to run away(well as much). I miss my family so much. I can't wait to see my Mom, and hug her. I can't wait to bug Lee. I can't wait to sit down with Paul and see what he is doing(since he doesn't e-mail). Unfortunatly, I won't be able to see Jeremy and Jenevieve before they go, but I'm glad they are going to see Mom and the rest of the family.

And the rest of the family are my friends who I am eternally grateful for and miss too. That's the great thing about being adopted, family isn't blood it people who have been with you during the shitty time and the good times. So, thanks family. I love you all!!!!

I'm twenty seven. I've hated life. I love life. I've cried through part of this and I'm happy, because I am blessed. But don't think I'm satisfied. ; ) I still want more!!
Have a good day.

eat_me

2006-06-30T11:06:00.000-05:00

eat_me
Originally uploaded by punk_rock_baby.

Bacon wrapped avocado hot dog, was just one of the things I ate last year on my birthday. I think I also had a piece of "birthday" cake at the Met(I spent it in New York). I think the rest was booze, including some weird fruit concoction sitting on the bar. It was a good birthday weekend. I spent it going to concerts(Yo La Tango, Pavement fragments), drinking(often for free), fireworks, the Met, Central Park, Little Boy(great pop culture exhibit from Japan), the Met again, Shakespeare in the Park, great food, drinking and good conversation. What more could a girl want? So, I'm not expecting this weekend to match last year, but it should be fun.

This year I'll be eating grilled pork and drinking cheap beer with my friends and co-workers in Seoul. That's what is on the agenda, but who knows what will happen.

Orginally this was supposed to be about me getting older, now it's about food. Well, yeah I'm getting older. Yep, that's all I have to say for now. Tomorrow(today), hopefully will be fun. I'll let you know. Stories, stories, stories. ; )

Dennis

2006-06-25T20:25:00.000-05:00

Dennis
Originally uploaded by punk_rock_baby.

Wow.
Everyone is growing up.
Being adults.
I feel like this kid looks.
I "play" with kids all day.
That's my "job".
I think I'm stuck in Neverneverland(for now).
But, I'm getting old.
Time to go home.
Wow.

Dongdaemun Cat

2006-06-24T18:44:00.000-05:00

Dongdaemun Cat
Originally uploaded by punk_rock_baby.

I’m not much of a shopper, actually I’m the shopper sales associates hate. I look, I don’t want help, and I dislike being talked to until I’ve made a decision. Actually, trying to sell my something will often lose you a sale. I’d rather just make up my own mind without any outside interference. In America you can get away with just looking around, but not in Korea. Shopping in Korea is communal just like everything else. Really shopping in Korea is a lot like navigating Gencon. In Dongdaemun, tall buildings are filled with stalls, organized by type of clothing, there are no dressing booths, you learn to eye ball size or dress to be able to try things on in the aisles, which allow two way traffic and nothing else. It’s a bit of a mad house of stick girls (always in pairs), ajimas, food on sticks, and cheap knock offs.

When I first arrived I would try to politely deter hawkers from talking to me by saying “no” and shaking my head. Anything more and then out comes the long explanation and their question, “Where are you from?” which prolongs a conversation I don’t want to get into, I just want to buy a shirt. I’ve taken now to moving fast, avoiding eye contact, or looking interested. I’m a drive by shopper. I also hate bargaining. Tell me what you want, I’ll tell you if I’ll give it to you or not. Which is what made yesterday’s kidnapping unsavory.

I’m looking for a new shoulder bag, so I wandered up to the bag section, not knowing my peril. One, most bag salesmen are men, verses women like in clothing. Also,I don’t care about designer labels, I like what I like(although I did by a Calvin Klein rip off yesterday). So, I saw this black motercycle bag that looked like what I was looking for. I liked, but I realized there was no price tag, which meant it was a bargaining item which meant trouble. The lady wanted to help me, but I said no and thank you and walked away not wanting to waste her time. Unfortunately, I was not so lucky at the next place. The guys would not stop, well shouting at me, a couple of them pulled at my arm trying to get me to go with them, one finally succeeded in getting me into his area almost a hiding hole behind a high display of bags. Behind the door where I thought there would be a mirror so I could see how the bag looked, was a small mirror, a low mini couch, a card table and a catalogue of designer bags while the walls were plastered with pictures of different models. In this little den of selling illegal knockoffs, I learned two things there are different classes to imitation bags and that some famous Korean actress picture was taken with the same bag(which is why several of them had it).

Needless to say, I didn’t get the bag mostly because I hate when they put a calculator in front of you and want you to name your price. Partially because, it’s a just a bag to me. Something that looks nice that you put a book, a wallet, an mp3 player, chapstick and if you’re lucky your camera, oh and a phone. What you want me to pay for is the fact some ones famous has it. You don’t want me to buy the bag, you want me to by a little bit of “fame,” a little bag of glory so to speak. In some of the stalls, t-shirts are displayed with the famous celebrity who wore one like it, enticing Korean women to buy them. To me they are a deterrent, my individualistic nature rebels at the thought of owning something Jessica Simpson wore(beside the fact it’s Jessica Simpson). I can deny the fact others do own what I own until the odd moment when fateful cock up has you staring at your double. But, that has rarely happend to me, or I'm oblivious. Don’t you love tangent posts?

Eh, so that’s shopping in Korea. I get to do the fun kind of shopping later today, book shopping. : ) Right now I’m finishing up Jonathan Lethem’s “Motherless Brooklyn” which has me convinced people are tourettic(or maybe I am). Wouldn’t it be nice to occasionally tear away, when things are too smooth, tearing with words of vulgarity into an indifferent world, that will quietly ignore your mad ravings like the passing of a breeze.

Well, enough raving. I hope people are good. Cheers.

Naengmyon

2006-06-22T19:04:00.000-05:00

Naengmyon
Originally uploaded by punk_rock_baby.

The weather has been deceptively nice, spring nice, with days which barely cause the skin to bead. It’s been too nice, but I’ve been enjoying the lovely cool nights while they last. I have to say cool nights are some of my favorite days to go walking, unfortunately in my toilet(Hwajeong sounds like toilet in Korean) there isn’t much of a view unless you love neon. It’s starting to move into the rainy season, mornings dawn grey and threaten light sprinkles to full on down pours. In the afternoon it tends to pass, but soon there will no longer be these bright moments which heat up the afternoon. Currently it’s still a dry heat, rather than the soggy heat that will be coming. Summer in Korea requires carrying a large umbrella, sunglasses, a fan, and a handkerchief at all times(or at least that is what I am told). We’ll see. For me it’s skirt season, which shows how un-Korean I am, since for Koreans skirt season is in winter. The guys would love winter in Korea. ; ) A student has already told me to cover my stomach up(not much was showing), Korean women tend to not show any stomach because it’s bad for the womb. I’m not joking here. But I’ve always been a bad Korean, so why stop now. ; )

Koreans are still World Cup crazy, we have a shot to make the next round if we do well next game against Switzerland and France doesn’t walk over Togo. I will use the nation of Korea as an alarm clock tomorrow. The game is at 4 am, so when the game get interesting they’ll wake me up, all I need to do is leave the window open.

Food, Korea is all about food. No, really social things revolve around food and the giving of food. Food is very important and most Korean food is good for you, or at least that is what they will tell you. Summer food, is namyeong which is a type of wheat noodle, thing like angel hair. It tends to be served as replacement for the bap in bimbibap. Or the favorite way is to eat it with chilled broth. Another favorite summer treat is shaved ice served with crushed red beans(azuki), and then other fruit and fruit syrup. Ice cream is dirt cheap too. I had a bar yesterday made of a honey and chestnut mixture which was okay.

More of the summer, when summer officially arrives

Yes, it's exactly what you think it is.

2006-06-19T11:23:00.000-05:00

Yes, it's exactly what you think it is.
Originally uploaded by punk_rock_baby.

Hi,
It’s been a bit of an odd day, or days. I’m not sure what is going on, we’ll see where it goes.

Right now I know, there are some days when waking up, getting a good beer, eating some curried fritters on a patio is the only way to start a day, especially when you’re sitting with a friend just shooting the shit. I also know, it’s not wise to bait me when it comes to inequality. I was correct in assuming the Korea screaming would eventually wake me up this morning(Korea vs. France 1-1). Only in Korea would a goal scored in Germany wake me up that early(5:30-ish). I went to the gym early because I needed to DHL a resume and cover letter during the break. I then picked out paper, swore at the spy and junk filled computers at work so I could print out the said cl and resume, did lesson prep, taught and headed down to City Hall(almost an hour by subway) to mail my cl and resume. I wasn’t sure where I was going, but I got lucky I literally walked out of the subway and ran into a FedEx. I headed back for classes. I did a lesson on DaVinci which was fun. And checking things out I may have found a place in Chicago. I responded to their ad, but now I have to wait to see if they like me. It would be perfect if it worked out, as would the job. See, that’s the thing. It’s too perfect. I feel confidant in my cover letter and resume. I feel both the job and the apartment would work out perfectly for me and that is what has me worried. At the same time I feel slightly punchy, some thing is bothering me and I can figure it out. I don’t know. Am I getting paranoid because nothing is wrong, but things are going good? I hope not. I’m really excited about the job, I hope I get it. Maybe it’s just the waiting that’s bugging me and having to seek approval. I dislike rejection. So, sounds like the only thing odd is me. Sorry, I just kind of needed to sound off a bit. Things really are good. Ah, ah well.

: ) Oh, how do I know I’d like to have these people as my roommates they asked, pirate or ninga? They also asked about music, books and cheese.

Cross your fingers people and think warm thoughts.

LA is EATING Korea

2006-06-18T08:54:00.000-05:00

CNN Class
Originally uploaded by punk_rock_baby.

Los Angeles is eating my children.

I’m losing another one to the monster they call the city of angels. Gold mountain still lives on. It’s even in the name. The Chinese call America, Beautiful land. I think part of that has carried over to the Koreans. The Chinese for America is mei, Korean mi, miguk.

America is the land of opportunity, which in Korea is education. Education has ruled this land since Confucianism, and maybe even before then. Parents put education first and foremost in their children’s life even before family. There is special term that has arisen in Korea, for families where the wife and children live abroad while the father remains behind to work. The child gets the advantage of an education in an English speaking country, which is considered most advantageous. The mother takes care of the child, which is her primary duty. While the father forces his underlings to go out drinking with him so he doesn’t go home to an empty house. The term has to do with seasonal birds, maybe geese, migration. LA is the biggest draw for my kids because it has the largest Korean population in the States, so they can get sponsored by family there. Chain migration, of a sort.

In many ways it’s also advantages because it gets them out of the Korean school system which seems solely in place to administer endless tests and for it’s redundancy. From what I can tell they seem to go to school twice, once at the public school, and then again at evening and weekend hagwons. The birth rate in Korea is plummeting due to the cost of education children. Many of my younger students don’t have siblings, and if they do their family has money. Between the piano lessons, the English lessons, the science classes, the cost add up even before the eventual cost of going to college. The best university to go to in Korea is Seoul National University(where the infamous Dr. Hwang taught) but it is trumped by Harvard. Only the best, only perfection, but where will it take you.

Personally, I think some of these kids are going to burn out. I asked my kids, if you could take a vacation any where in the world, no matter the cost where would you go and what would you do. They all responded, sleep, eat, and play. Very few really wanted to do anything else. Mostly it was sleep, eat and play. It did really seem like they cared where they went, so most picked America.

I think it is important to try and do the best for your child, but some times you have to think about the cost. I’m actually glad these kids are going it will be a great experience for them. Both of them are really bright, and will do well. I guess I’m just blowing off some steam.

Korea 2 Togo 1

2006-06-13T11:15:00.000-05:00

I don't know.
Originally uploaded by punk_rock_baby.

It is after 1 in the morning here, and impossible to sleep. Now one in Korea is sleeping unless they are in a coma. Seriously, I've never heard as many sirens or car horns as I have tonight. I have my window open for the breeze but along with the wind I'm catching singing, yelling, car horns, drums, and the sound of firecrackers. The game ended about an hour ago, but they are still going and will be for a while. Ah, there they go again singing the official song. Unfortunately they are going up against either France or Switzerland next. But, tonight they don't care. They won the first game. Korea is an increadably nationalistic country. Most people today were wearing their "Reds go Together" or "Go Korea" or "Red Devils" shirts. And football is a big deal in this country after the 2002 World Cup. Hopefully they put up a good game against France.

For Xee, Josh, and Friends

2006-06-12T11:36:00.000-05:00

For Xee, Josh, and Friends
Originally uploaded by punk_rock_baby.

Last week I went with some friends to a Buddhist temple across from COEX mall. COEX is a modern monstrosity of a city air terminal, shopping mall, movie theater, wax museum, and convention center combined(I‘m pretty sure I‘m forgetting things). But just across the street there is a very nice Buddhist temple with a huge stone Buddha statue easily three stories high, which is illuminated at night. The afternoon was beautiful and free so we walked around the temple buildings, up the hill winding our way to the statue. That’s one of the great things about Seoul is it’s hilly. Seoul is an a valley, but rarely is it flat. I love the curves and bends of Seoul’s geography. It allows one to stand in front of a small wooden pavilion, brightly painted with swastikas and knot work on to a modern behemoth of plate glass and chrome, both of which are Korea. Actually it was a very Korean afternoon, we later crossed back to COEX tipped back some cheap Korean brew and headed out to a little samgapsal place we found on a windy back street. Samgapsal is grilled pork, which you wrap in lettuce or sesame leaves, with condiments and other additions like kimchee or grilled garlic. It was very good, and the ajima who ran it loved us. Mostly because Zack could speak some Korea(Korean girlfriend). The Koreans love it when waegoks speak Korean. Jasmine’s friends find it greatly amusing when I try.

Moving to the opposite side of the world. A few weeks ago I had a very different experience. I was meeting Jasmine and a friend for dinner on base. I had never been on base before. As we were signing in, I got a call from Zack about Thailand, so I was distracted as we walked out of the booth, up the slope and out into the parking lot of the Dragon Lodge, suddenly I was back in America. The Dragon Lodge looks like a standard American red brown hotel, which it is. Walking towards the hotel, I had the strange sensation of walking back into America. From the sports bar with flat beer and mediocre pub food, to going kid in a candy store crazy about finding apple sauce, in a store that felt like a corner Walgreens, I was back but not. Later we piled into a private car and drove to get gas, past a Burger King. I sat in the back staring at all the signs whipping by in English. The trees had grown high, so none of the Korean neon signs could be seen only a few high rises. It was an odd feeling, feeling like I was back in the States. It made me feel incredible nostalgic, but at the same time comforted.

In three months I’ll be flying back to the States(it‘s the thirteenth here). I’m going to Thailand from the first of Sept. to the 12th. I will probably be flying home in the 13th. I maybe out in New York from the 15th for a birthday. Who knows? Three months is a lot of time. Who knows what will happen in that time. I know I will have birthday. The rest is a mystery, but that’s good. I’m looking forward to enjoying my last few months in Korea. I’m looking forward even more to roaming around Thailand. And, I’m looking forward to seeing friends and family again. I don’t know what will happen when I get back, but it’ll be.

Wow, a much longer post then I intended. I really just want to say, I light some candles for well everybody. So, hopefully some good karma is coming your way(Earl style ; ) ). I light special ones for Xee and Josh, they know why. Mwa! Love ya.

Soccer worship

2006-06-04T09:05:00.000-05:00

Soccer worship
Originally uploaded by punk_rock_baby.

These pictures were outside of the Sejong Art Center. I found them amusing, even with out knowing what they say. Actually, that is probably why I find them so amusing. Feel free to head over to the Flickr site and caption some.

Korea is in full World Cup swing. I still need to buy a shirt and learn a dance. Yes, there is an official dance, along with the song and all of the other "Reds Go Together" merchendice. More about the World Cup later. June 9th is the first game. There are going to be alot of tired, hungover people the next day. They better win. It's going to be war if they don't advance far.

Wishes

2006-06-03T22:00:00.000-05:00

Tree Lanterns 9
Originally uploaded by punk_rock_baby.

Done. No, just starting really. I woke up early this morning and had some extra time so I started my first draft of my resume. It's still three months and a vacation to Thailand away, but I'm moving forward and that's good. It's shaping up to a productive day. In a couple minutes I'll head to the gym. Later, I think I'll get out and find a coffee shop. I need to review some Korean and maybe get some reading done. It's a beautiful sunday. Later, I'll come back make some dinner, watch "In the Mood for Love" one of the best movies ever. Maybe do some more reseach on Thailand. It's a good day. Love good days.

Sh*thead

2006-06-02T11:24:00.000-05:00

I've never played sh*thead before, but when playing it with a Kiwi, a Brit, and a Irishman some things becomes blatently obvious. One, when you go to get music they will fix your cards for you and not in a good way. No wonder we threw the tea in the harbor, dirty cheaters. Oh well, I still beat the Kiwi and the Irishman. Irony. Another thing is that no one cusses like an Englishman. How I envy the ablity to string together, "Bugger, wanker, f*ck, sh*t, bloody, piss, tit," etc. and not seem like a f*cking posser. The game was fun but the language was even more entertaining. American English is such a pale specter when it comes to colorful and humorous expressions. So if I come back and a few odd expresssions have crept in to my speech, blame it on the Commonwealth. I'm having a true international experience. The Irishman might be burning me "Father Ted" how fun is that. : )

I need to . . .

2006-05-29T22:33:00.000-05:00

I need to clean.
Originally uploaded by punk_rock_baby.

Wee. I need to clean. I am slowly chipping away at things I need to get done. I’m a little behind on my correspondence so I am going to get that under wraps. Tomorrow will be a post on the elections, which is interesting. Right now I’m listening to an old mix, I didn’t realize I had, it’s got “Destroy Everything You Touch,” from Ladytron’s Witching Hour. I think I have that on like three play lists besides my own. Good song. Anyways, it’s a lovely day. I need to get some things down and then head out. I need to head down to Itaewon for some second hand book buying. I’d like some more Lawrence, but I will see. I’m finishing up St. Mawr. Noli me tangere, hits a spot but it‘s time to be a bit of heathen again. I also need to get some info from a friend on Thailand. I’m now planning to head to Tokyo during the July/August break for a long weekend. I will then be traveling to Thailand after my contract is up. I really want to experience a different culture. So we will see how that works out. But, that’s the way it is with everything. I need to start a new play list. I’ll see what I can dig up. I need new music, and I love looking for it. Need to get of the beaten path, I’ve got too much mainstream stuff. Also, I need to start slapping together a resume so I can start selling myself. Yeah, slaving myself to the money machine(maybe too much Lawrence). I’m sorry this is a kind of a to do list for me. But, it lets the people know what I’m doing. (Oh, looks like I’m going on base to meet people. I’ve never been on base. This should be interesting.) Maybe my need post stems from people around me doing things. Maggie is heading off to the States to get ready for her show in Scotland. Two different people I know got married this past weekend. Even my students are moving to new places. One of my friends already has a place and a condo waiting for him when he gets back. Time to get moving. I like that. I like that I may not know where I am going, but I’m moving myself forward. I don’t want to be slave, but I don’t want to be heedlessly running on a hamster wheel just for movements sake. It’s all good. : ) Time to get moving.

Nacho Libre!

2006-05-25T17:53:00.000-05:00

I would like to state to state I dislike telemarketers. What is worse than being called by a telemarketer? Well, try having it happen after you've only been asleep for two hours. On top of that trying to explain you don't speak Korean, in Korean as you try to wake up. Then have it happen again, and then again thus obliterating any chance of actually sleep. Ugh. The most frustrating part was the fact they were confused by a foreigner having a cell phone. Foreigners call people? They seemed confused that a foreigner had a cell phone. Think outside the box, please.

On the other hand, being tired and up leads to me surfing the internet. And I found this gem. Jack Black has made a movie called Nacho Libre. In this movie, he plays a cook at an orphanage. At night he is a Mexican wrestler to make money for the orphanage. I love it. It's right up there under "Snakes on a Plane."

Also, speaking of excellent, though of a different caliber. Julie Taymour is directing a production of Grendel, the opera based of an excellent book(so says Alison). Alison is also going to get to see this glorious work. If you haven't seen Titus, go forth and rent it. Although it does have some very disturbing scenes, it is beautifully done.

Ah, it's going to be a coffee day. Luckily, Krispy Kreme has a decent cup. I dislike Starbucks. I hope peeps are good.

Family

2006-05-24T21:13:00.000-05:00

first_thanks
Originally uploaded by punk_rock_baby.

Family dreams.
My mother and I talked a bit today. There is a topic of conversation which keeps coming up over and over again as we have these transglobal chats. It's about wishes and dreams.

My mother and I have this dream. One day we get the whole family together and just spend time together. I would bake and cook us a meal. And we would just sit around and talk, maybe listen to some music. I think I'd make lasagna. Definately some cookies, oh or black forest cake(traditional birthday cake). Over the last umm nine months we've thought about this happening.

It's not likely to happen anytime soon. I'm still in Korea. I don't know where I will be moving to when I get back. Dad is in Kiribata. Jeremy and Jenevive are in Maryland, with an option of Qutar. Josh is still indefinatly unavailable. Lee, Paul and Ka are in Racine. Our family is spread out, as it has been for years. This is evident in the fact the best picture I have of my family only has two actual family members together. Mom and I realized it's been nine years since the last Christmas were we have all been together(unless we are wrong). That's a while. So right now Mom is hoping for some divine intervention and we all end up spending Christmas at her still hypothetical alpaca farm.

I just want to say, I love my family. I think it's good occasionally to examine things, to put things into perspective. Even though we are scattered, we are still a family. My family is great. My mom is a women who is accepting of life's changes, while fighting for what she believes in. She has big dreams and an even larger faith which isn't easy after the things she's gone through. My father shaped who I am and now he is challenging himself, hopefully growing in the Peace Corps. Jeremy is for lack of a better way of putting it an interesting person, he was an interesting kid too. Jenevive is the sister I never had, but always wanted. Lee is Lee, great. Josh is well, a know it all, but a good kid. He is strong, but then he has to be. Paul is an amazing young man. So in short, I'm very thankful for my family. I'm especially thankful since when I came into this world, there was no family. I'm lucky. But even lucky people have dreams, and I dream of having all of my family together, just sitting around talking, eating mountians of food I've cooked for them and listening to music. Here's to dreams.

pillowstealer

2006-05-24T10:41:00.000-05:00

pillowstealer
Originally uploaded by punk_rock_baby.

This is my cat. His name is Ego. (Hey, I was dating a psych. major at the time.) Anyways, he is the best cat in the world. Really. Right now he is staying at my mom's until I get back. Why am I saying he's so great. Well, he's playful, smarty, cute, cuddly, and just wonderful. He also steals pillows. There has been many a night were I've woken up with not an inch of pillow because some one has slowly pushed my head off the pillow. Ego has been keeping my brother Jeremy company these last months. Mom just send me an e-mail about his latest adventure. Jeremy and Jenevive were folding a sheet and Ego decided to stand in the middle of it. They decided to pull up to get him off, well in typical Ego fashion, he decided he loved it and wanted them to keep doing in. Besides loving to play with laser pointers, Ego also enjoys anything that moves, Neverwinter Nights, tv, birds, boxes, Joe's shoulders and me. I miss my cat. Soon though I will be home. Good bye pillow. : )

The twinkie is happy.

2006-05-23T08:33:00.000-05:00

Most of these are mine.
Originally uploaded by punk_rock_baby.

I will not be taking these childern to the zoo.
I really like my kids, but spending the day herding forty odd hyperactive childern at the zoo is not my idea of fun.
Especially, since it would involve trying to get them not to throw things at the animals. Some of them haven't learned not to hit or kick their fellow students. I will not be going this thursday to the zoo instead two of the male teachers will be going. I will have the morning off. Oh, sometimes it's nice not having to be a token foriegner. ; )

Renewal

2006-05-22T12:36:00.000-05:00

Interesting. I needed to talk to my assistant manager about my air ticket home. I wanted to make sure that they could hold my ticket until I got back from Japan. The thing was, she wanted me to resign for longer. It was nice to know they like me enough to resign me, since I get absolutely no feedback on how I am doing from them. The thing is it made me wonder why I am going home and if I’m making the right decision.

I really do like my job. I really enjoy “teaching” kids, especially since it is always interesting, they seem to be learning and all of us enjoy the experience. I’m going to miss teaching them when I leave. My co-workers are nice. Jasmine has been great, and I’m sure we will keep in touch after I leave Korea. I haven’t learned as much Korean as I should, although I am trying to rectify that. Korea has been an interesting learning experience for me.

Korea has not been an easy experience for me. I knew it was going to be hard, but I either wasn’t ready for it or was in denial about it. I thought, yes I would be cut off from people, but most of the previous year I was cut off from people and alone. I didn’t realize how much visits from friends and phone conversations kept me grounded and connected.

I have never had to explain what I am so many times as when I’ve been in Korea. When I meet people in America, I’m just Kate. In Korea it depends on if they are Korean or if they are a foreigner. If they are Korean it goes, Korean? You don’t speak Korean? Why don’t you speak Korean? When are you going to learn how to speak Korean? You poor girl. If it is a foreigner it’s, Do you speak Korean? You don’t, why? Oh, you’re adopted. Are you going to find your birth mother? Are you going to learn Korean? I’ve never had to explain myself so much in my life. It’s like explaining why you are abnormal again and again. What’s wrong with me, nothing. I just want to be left alone.

I don’t belong here. Just walking down the street, or getting a cup of coffee yells to me you don’t belong here. And I don’t. I’m really not Korean and I never will be. Maybe that’s part of the problem I was searching for something that I thought was missing, the Korean part of Korean-American, but the thing is I’m American. Nothing is missing. I just miss home.

There will be things I miss about leaving Korea. In a way Korea has been good to me. I’ll miss having my own place, a decent paying job, my job, the kids, the food, the opportunities for travel, and the some of the experiences, but it’s time to go home. Thank goodness. What happens when I get home, well that’s going to be another story.

Random signage

2006-05-18T10:10:00.000-05:00

Random signage
Originally uploaded by punk_rock_baby.

Random bits about what is going on in Korea:

Koffi Annan has left Korea. He is traveling around Asia. The next head of the U.N. is probably going to be from Asia. Korea is one of the countries that will be nominating a canidate to fill his place. He also came to discuss Dokdo.

Dokdo is an island claimed by both Korea and Japan. Long history, both want it, only one will triumph. They even have t-shirts, "Save Dokdo."

Korea is gearing up for the World Cup. Koreans are really, really. very, extremely nationalistic. They really want to win, is putting it too mildly. Many of the kids are wearing red jerseys sporting the logo,"Reds Go Together." Most of the advertising revolves around the World Cup right now. There is even a song and a dance. Seriously. World Cup season is going to be interesting.

Elections are looming and will take place at the end of the month.

Also, some people are still championing Dr. Hwang, trying to get him re-enstated. Yeah, I've seem them at festivals and such. Very loyal.

Umm, what else, the weather is great. I'm enjoying it before the humidity hits. People are already starting to in namyeong(which is cold buckwheat noodles served a variety of ways, maybe pictures later).

The kids are still great. I have take a picture of them on a review day. They like to stick the stickers to their face. It's really cute.

Well that's all from Korea for now. Take care.

Gong Hee Fot Choy

2006-05-17T10:51:00.000-05:00

A while ago my bro but up a link for Gong Hee Fot Choy which I then added to my links. Most days it sits at the bottom below my link to Ambrose Bierce’s “The Devil’s Dictionary.” I’m usually click on it when I’m bored or I am looking for the vague optimism that only horoscopes can deliver. Today is one of those days. So here’s my horoscope, my edited fortune:

Queen of Diamonds in the House of Success:
Time is required to bring you lasting success. Study hard, work hard, and follow the right pursuit. A new proposition in the next three months.(Which is funny, since in about three months I’ll be in the States.)

Ace of Spades in the House of Friends:
Some time in your life you will have a friend who is in the slaughter business, an undertaker, a casket maker, or some business pertaining to the death. (See, amusing.)

Queen of Hearts in the House of Letters:
You will receive good news from a friend. A letter telling you nice things. (Yeah, good news.)

Nine of Spades in the House of :
You are due for a disappointment, big loss, or you have just had one. Sometimes a big loss means a bigger gain; fate shapes things in a funny way. A delay indicated. (I actually kind of like it that this isn’t totally saccharine sweetly optimistic.)

I skipped over the romance ones. Yada Yada. Anyways, the laundry is done. On to some Korean. Yeah, I’m finally learning Korean(three months before I leave). Irony.

Listening to: Yeah, Yeah, Yeah’s, “Fever to Tell” the whole cd is awesome. This is evident in the fact I wanted to put just about every song on my “Roar” play list. I also like The Raconteurs “Broken Boy Soldiers” a very varied sound, but good.

What’s your fortune? What’s keeping your ears company?

Look at the band

2006-05-14T01:47:00.000-05:00

Look at the band
Originally uploaded by punk_rock_baby.

Gyeongju Part II:

There was something lovely about escaping Seoul. I hadn’t gone to sleep the night before Gyeongju. I was afraid I would over sleep and miss the bus. I’d be tired, but I didn’t care. I was getting out; going some where new. And I was doing it with friends. The seven of us meet at the Express Bus Terminal to catch the 7:15 bus. I sat next to Zack as we headed out of Seoul, away from cookie cutter, drab, grey apartment buildings. Modern Seoul’s architect is functional, but bare and hardly esthetically pleasing. Only when half masked by night could you call Seoul a beautiful city. It’s laurels rest on having blotted out the stars with it’s light pollution, substituting earthly lights. But no wishes can be made on a burnt out light bulb. This we rode away from in the early morning. Twenty story apartment buildings housing families faded as we moved away leaving only lush green hills.

I love these hills. They’re my first love on arriving in Korea. It was a grey day, my first day. The rain had just cleared. Mist still clung to the hills as we rode into Seoul. They are not like the hills back home, glacier smoothed bumps. These hills, or mini-mountains, have character, personality, and a bold beauty to them. Seoul is in a valley, thus it is surrounded by mountains and hills, but they are marred by man who obscures them with cement bunkers and red neon crosses. It was refreshing to watch unadorned hills whip past as we moved further south. Instead of neon signs, these hills bore farmhouses and burial mounds.

Here death and life are not separate by false or geographic barriers. The green that covers the well tended graves of our grandfathers, also cover the hills of our forefathers, and is beheld by the children of today. The deceased lay next to the fields they once tended. The living farm the land and live next to the ones who bequeathed the land to them. The living tend the dead. These perfectly round mounds with their man made dolmens are maintained by the family. Offerings are made with reverence thorough out the year.As we rode towards the cultural capital of Korea. We wondered about the mounds, living so close to death, the raised mounds, the u-shaped mounds. What’s and why’s scurried across our minds whit no really answers. Just another example of living in a foreign land. A different culture.

But then that is why we are here. We’ve come to experience something different, maybe to grow, maybe for a vacation of sorts. What ever our reasons, we are here, and together we journey. And sometimes that is all you can hope for is good company as life moves on. So, together we visited Bulguksa Temple, walked up and down streets and roads, clicked mementos of Buddhist art, enjoyed the fresh air, listened to frogs croak as we walked down country roads, tired new Korean food, wandered around soaking wet, played Starcraft, sang songs about life(love), drank together, and enjoyed ourselves even with the in climate weather. The hills will out live us all, but that doesn’t really matter. Someday we may drift apart, but we will still have the memories, nothing can erase the time that was spent together. Sometimes all you can hope for is to be able to enjoy good company while it lasts, the connection. Really though, even if you cease talking to a person, there is still a connection that lasts. It’s crazy but everything is. The crazy things are the things that make the most sense. : )

Gyeungju: AKA Korean Food

2006-05-07T10:59:00.000-05:00

Brunch
Originally uploaded by punk_rock_baby.

Wow, I just realized I took around eighty pictures. That is a good amount consider it rain one day and the first day we only got to one temple and a park. My battery also die during a staged peeing on a mural of Adolf Hitler. No, I’m serious go check out the picture of my friend Zach as he happily fakes peeing on Hitler. I wouldn’t have believed it if I hadn’t seen it myself. The mural was just one of the surprises this past weekend.

This Friday a bunch of my friends and I got up(or stayed up) early to catch a 7 o’clock bus to Gyeongju, the cultural capital of Korea. For most of us this meant leaving our apartments at 5 or 6 o’clock. So, we set off to Gyeongju bright and early so we could have as much time as possible looking around. Dan, who had taught down there last year, meet us with two of his awesome friends(Kate and Rose) who drove us to Bulguksa Temple. After the temple we went to get some bibimbap and cotton candy(in honor of Children’s Day). We also went to a “pleasure” garden from the Silla Dynasty called Anapji Pond; where a bee called Fuzzy decided to be my friend for a while. We headed back to our place and decided to go play Starcraft. I had never gone to a pc bang(bang means room) nor had I ever played Starcraft, so it was first on both counts. It was fun actually, even though I’m not very good at strategy games. After some game time we head out for food and drinking.

Food:
Food and drinking go hand in hand in Korea. Also in Korea, it is rare to eat alone. Food is meant to be eaten in with a group of people all of whom share the same food. We went to a royodaki(sp?) Friday night, which is where you order a set which comes with a variety of dishes which everyone shares. There are no individual plates, you eat out of shared dishes. Also you drink. Korean beer is weak tasteless beer, but you get used to it. Soju, a rice liquor, is also the drink of choice for Koreans. The side dishes(banchan) included things like ddukbolgi, kimchi, shells(?), fried fish skin, corn, salad, quail eggs, and kimbap(like a cheap California roll but with Spam and pickle) that night. And then there was meat, because it’s Korea. Most often the meat is grilled(as in there is a grill in the middle of the table and you do it yourself) which is then wrapped in a leaf(lettuce, sesame(my fav.) or other green), toped with your choice of sauce, maybe roasted garlic and rice is optional. It’s really a nice balance, simple but delicious. All of our meals were traditional Korean meals, which was nice. We also tried two different sweets using red bean paste. One was a heaping tablespoon of red bean paste encased in a thin crust that tasted like Honey Nut Cheerios. The other one was the size of an oreo. It was two buckwheat(or at least it tasted like it) pancakes with a thin layer of red bean paste holding them together. I tried a lot of new things this weekend, since it’s hard to order some meals without a ton of people(you can’t order this stuff for one, it’s odd and kind of a waste). The desert Friday night was some red beans over ice, after which we moved on to another Korean tradition, noraebang.

Noraebang will have to wait till later. It’s late and I didn’t get much sleep this weekend. Gyeungju part two hopefully tomorrow.

Tree

2006-05-04T10:00:00.000-05:00

Tree
Originally uploaded by punk_rock_baby.

Buddha's Birthday and Childern's Day

Tomorrow is a day of innocence and rebirth. It’s a day of making wishes. Wishes hang from lanterns, which hang from trees, which wait for another year to pass quickly by for spring to burst forth again. The tree waits for the night when it’s false foliage burns forth with hundreds of hopes and dreams for one night. And for that one night it waits. And while it waits, our wishes, our dreams, our hopes, weigh down it’s branches, obscuring the little buds, the verdant tears, the firey dying blaze before the branches are left bare to winters chill. Our little stars we may forget as balmy winds succumb to a blazing sun, or rainy days wash away faded leaves but it does not. The tree keeps them company until that spring day comes again for it to blaze once more in a glory of colored papers and little lights. The wishes like leaves, come down so new hopes maybe be born. The faded paper, the torn lanterns are feed to the fire, with reverence but still they must burn. The fire eats them, as new lanterns are made and new wishes written out on crisp white paper. The cycle continues, as it will always continue. New hopes take form, time passes, old hopes die and new hopes are kindled. In innocence there is faith, a blind faith. Faith that ones wish will happen, that wishes do come true. There is innocence in wishing. The simple joy of wishing is suspending reality and having faith in something greater, in the world and in yourself. It is letting in all the wonderful possibilities of the unknown and denying the known. Wish in something greater. Have faith.

Tree Lanterns 14

2006-04-30T10:12:00.000-05:00

Tree Lanterns 14
Originally uploaded by punk_rock_baby.

Had a great day. Went to the Buddha's birthday celebrations with some friends. Had some great Sri Lankan food and took a ton of pictures.
I'm dead tired, so I'll write about it later. Go check out the pictures on Flickr. I hope people are good.
If you only have a little time, just click on the tree lanterns set.
: )

Need to work on my aim

2006-04-28T11:46:00.000-05:00

Need to work on my aim
Originally uploaded by punk_rock_baby.

Irony:
Irony whips me like the bitch I am.
One day, I’d like to bite back.

Why does Irony rule? Here are some ironies:

I’ve always had a ton of guy friends, but a serious deficient in boyfriends.
I’d like a boyfriend, but seriously I am retarded when it comes to relationships.
I’m slightly with out direction in my life, and I rarely get physically lost.
I’ve always wanted to go to Korea. I’m starting to count the weeks till I leave.
I wanted to learn Korean. I haven’t learned any.
I have no sense of grammar and I’m teaching English.
I want to be there from my friends and family, and I live halfway around the world.

Those are just a few my sleep deprived, caffeine jump started mind can come up with.
I’m sure there are more ironies, it’s just my mind is fuzzy like a peach right now. I’m just wonder what life has in store for me next. It won’t be what I expect, that’s for sure. Who knows? Maybe that’s the fun part. Maybe that’s the biggest irony, and the best thing. Irony has a way of sucking and making you laugh at yourself all at the same time. It’s like my Mom always said, “Life is hard and then you die.” She would always open my door sing that at me when I was sulking (teenage years) and it always pissed me off. But, I wouldn’t be sulking anymore, I‘d get pissed and go do something. If I couldn’t laugh at my own stupidity, I just wouldn’t be me. God bless laughter and a good sense of humor. Life is hard and then you die. ; )

(This was supposed to be about cats. Maybe next time.)

Cast Out All Witches and Devils.

2006-04-27T10:37:00.000-05:00

Three Alley Pub
Originally uploaded by punk_rock_baby.

If only it were that easy.
But they really like it here.

I haven't posted in a while, so I thought I should throw up a random post.

Things are good. I'm taking a short trip to Gyenggi-do with some friends next weekend. I bought a Lonely Planet travel book for Japan. I'm starting to plot my trip. I'm really looking forward to it. The kids are great as usual. The weather is nice. The cold/cough/whatever the frick this is, and I have reached an truce for the moment. I'm starting to think about Sept. More pointedly, what the plan(or lack of a plan)there is. So, lots of things and nothing at the same time. I hope people are good. That's all from the Korea front.

Blossoms in Hongdae

2006-04-16T10:47:00.000-05:00

Blossoms in Hongdae
Originally uploaded by punk_rock_baby.

From Chapter One of "Lady Chatterly's Lover", by D.H. Lawerence:

Ours is essentially a tragic age, so we refuse to take it tragically. The cataclysm has happened, we are among the ruins, we start to build up new little habitats, to have new little hopes. It is rather hard work: there is now no smooth road into the future: but we go round, or scramble over the obstacles. We've got to live; no matter how many skies are fallen.

I always liked that passage.

Happy Easter!

Birthday

2006-04-13T10:03:00.000-05:00

So Tommy
Originally uploaded by punk_rock_baby.

Today was a birthday celebration. Only when you’re that young do you enjoy getting older. Enjoy it while it lasts kids. At six, birthdays are all about having fun, being celebrated, being showered with presents, seeing the flashes go off as people snap pictures, and running around on a sugar rush. The kids had a great day. It was everything a birthday celebration day should be; classes were canceled, gifts rained down on them, they ran around, used a teacher as a jungle gym, and ate pizza and cake until they threw up and then ran around some more. I’m twenty years older then them and today I was feeling my age.

In all the birthday hullabaloo one kid didn’t make it to the party, his name is Jonny and he’s in none of the pictures. As they were being snapped he lurked in the hallway or sought refugee in the classroom. Nothing we could do would get him to come join the party. As I stood getting my picture taken with the rest of Duke, I watched Jonny dodge from one door to another refusing to come down the hallway as I motioned, beckoning him to join his classmates. Why? Because he was upset he lost a sticker. How do you explain to a kid in a second language that it’s okay? That loosing a sticker isn’t the end of the world. But to a kid who is normally praised for doing well, who has never gone to school before these last two months, and who doesn’t get scolded at home it really was the end of the world. I found it funny growing up that adults seemed to forget what it was like to be a kid. As kid, I thought I wouldn’t be like that, I would remember what it was like to be kid. Standing there, trying to figure out how to best handle the situation it hit me I had forgotten what it was like to be a kid.

Kids are amazing. I really love working with kids. I’m not positive I am a good teacher, but I definitely enjoy working with kids. I never know what is going to happen. I love their raw, exuberant energy. They’re characters. It’s one of the few times in their life they are unaware of social pressures. They get to be themselves, un-judged and free. They all have such distinctive personalities, and some odd personality quarks that are unforgettable. They’re great.

Another thing that is make me feel older is that some of my friends are having kids. This last week or so I found out an old high school friend is married and just had a baby. While another college friend just had a baby girl. It seems strange. I couldn’t imagine having a kid right now, but then again I’m not in a position to have one. Well, everything in it’s time and place. Right now I’m just enjoying being an old spinster who gets to spend her days teaching kids, “A, a, apple.” The nice thing about getting older is realizing how precious it all is and knowing loosing a sticker isn’t the end of the world.

Monkey toes and Punk Rock Hair

2006-04-11T09:29:00.000-05:00

punk_rock_baby copy
Originally uploaded by punk_rock_baby.

Today is my Arrival Day. Some twenty six years ago I arrived in America. Now some twenty six years later I sit in Korea pondering things. In a way it feels like I’ve come full circle, or that I have completed a cycle. I find life utterly ironic. So, I find the symbolism around today also very ironic. Irony bites(literally). Why is the end of this cycle ironic?

Ever since I arrived in Korea the perennial question is “Do you speak Korean?” and when I say “No.“, the question is then, “Why not?” which is followed with, “I’m adopted.” and the comes, ”Are you going to find your mother?” All natural questions. The answer to the question is, “No.” Why? I’m here, right why not find her. Because some times people don’t want to be found. I’m not going to actively search for her. I am thinking of writing her a letter and seeing if I can leave it in my file(where ever that is) and if she comes looking for me then she could contact me. I’ve had a lot of time to think about this. How can I put this? As much as it sucked at times, as much as it’s hurt, as much as I wonder, it was the right decision.

So, I sit here and write a first draft to a woman I may never know but to whom I owe so much. To my Mother(or at least one of them).

Dear Mother:

Hello. My name is Kate Pan Soon X. I was born Kim Pan Soon. I don’t believe you named me, but that was my birth name for nine months of my life until I became Kate X. For nine months of my life you bore me, you gave me life, and by giving me up you gave me a better life. I would like to thank you for giving me this life. I do not know the circumstances of my conception, but I can imagine that your situation was not an easy one. Nor do I know what circumstances and reasons weighed into your decision to give me up for adoption. I would just like to say you made the right choice. As I’ve learned sometime the right choice is the hard choice. It is a choice that affected both of our lives. I hope you have never regretted your choice and your life has been a full one. As a result of your choice I was gifted with a wonderful family and I’ve been blessed with a life full of opportunities.

I should probably tell you a little about my life. . .(bio. omited) My family and friends are great and I miss them very much. I’ve been blessed with many caring people who have enriched my life while shaping who I am today. In a way I have you to thank for them.

I am writing this letter on April 11th 2006 twenty six years after arriving in America. I am currently working in Korea, just outside of Seoul. I came to Korea to find out more about Korea and Korean culture. It has been an interesting experience for me, a learning and growing experience. Being in Korea made me consider if I should try and find you. In the end I decided that I shouldn’t. Why? Because, I didn’t know if you wanted to found. So instead I am writing this letter to be placed in my file in case you ever decide to come looking for me. I want you to know I’m doing well as a result of your choice. If you would ever like to contact me, please feel free to. I would love to get to know you and find out how you are doing. I am enclosing my contact information in case you would like to contact me. Once again I would like to say thank you. I hope your life has been blessed as mine has. Best wishes.

Sincerely,
Kate X

As I write this letter I realize that I’m a liar. Part of the reason I don’t want to find my mother, is I don’t want to be rejected. I don’t want to find a mother who doesn’t want me again. Who chooses not to have me in her life. Who chooses not to want me. I can understand why she made her choice, but at the same time it hurts. So, part of the reason is I’m also a coward. There are some things I would like to say in this letter that are neither appropriate or just. As a child, I would wonder why didn’t she love me? If only life were that simple. I no longer wonder what my life would be like if I had been kept by her. I would make a poor Korean woman, and if she had kept me I wouldn't be me. And I rather like being me(even if I’m a bit of a fuck up at times). Her decision was the right one; I know that now.

It’s late and I’m sick so I’m not totally sure I am making sense. I’m not sure what I am trying to say right now. I’m tired. Maybe what I’m trying to convey is the fact that life is wonderful and we should be thankful, even for the pain because the pain is part of us, if forms who we are like a chisel carving marble. Being adopted hasn’t been easy(although to be honest not being adopted has been difficult for others). Like everyone, adopted or not, there were days when I screamed in pain wishing for another life; dreaming of what it would be like to be someone else, anyone else to escape the pain. But the pain made me. Her choice hurt me, but in all truth it was a self inflicted wound. We never do some much damage as we do to ourselves. Or at least that is what we like to believe. Hopefully at the end of all of this time we call a life it will all even out, that the pain we inflict is equaled with the love we give. That would be wonderful. Look at the funny baby picture. And smile. Laugh if you can.

Much love and best wishes,
Kate

BBC Pictures

2006-03-24T21:15:00.000-06:00

Sometimes I don't feel like reading the news. Luckly, BBC has a great feature Pictures of the Day, or in this case Pictures of the Week. Often the pictures have more impact than any article. The pictures come from all over the world, and are of all different types. Click on the link. You'll see for yourself. Sometimes it's easy to dismiss words, but with pictures the reality, the pain, the joy of them can not be denied, can not be dismissed as human fabrication or exaggeration. They are real, of real people and events. This is our world in all it's variety. It's beautiful, so beautiful it hurts.

DNA

2006-03-24T09:44:00.000-06:00

Personality DNA: Advocating Artist

Alison had the link to this on her page. These things are always interesting to take, if a fun sort of way. Alison and I tend to test closely in most cases. I think we shared the description of advocating. She is a creater, while I guess I'm an artist. You can click on the link to see my test results. Have fun.

Nails

2006-03-17T21:28:00.000-06:00

My father sent me an interesting e-mail. It’s about nails. It’s the story of a boy who learns about feelings, actions and consequences. The father tells the boy to hammer a nail into the fence when he is angry, eventually he hammers in less nails, then for every day he keeps his temper he pulls out a nail. When all the nails are gone the father shows the boy a fence of holes.

Holes can never be fixed. They can be filled, they could be painted over, but they would still be there underneath. These holes are not only created by anger but by other feelings as well. Many of these holes are unconsciously made. Some holes are self inflicted, some are not. Some holes need to be made. Other holes you learn to love. It’s sad that there is so much pain in the world, and to know willingly or unwillingly we cause so much more pain. The pain, the greatest pain is not inflicted by strangers but the ones we love the most. That’s the scariest thing about love. You hurt the ones you love. (How f’n depressing. Sorry.) Maybe that’s why love is something you have to fight for, to work for. You have to give something to get something. The only thing you can give is yourself. Love is the only thing worth while.

Someone asked me if you think you’ve changed from the time you were five, or if you still have the same personality as when you were five. I don’t know. I don’t remember me at five. Maybe I haven’t changed as much as I would have liked. But something makes me smile at the image of me being 26, but really still being a round faced, smiley, bucktooth, coke-bottle wearing, pig-tailed girl in a frilly dress with her black “purt.” No, in lot of ways I haven’t changed. I ‘m still a every bit of a silly dreamer. I still laugh at everything(thank goodness).

Some things never change, and that’s a good thing. In the end, you learn to love the holes, because their your holes. You wouldn’t be you with out them.

P.S. I’m sorry for any holes.

St. Patty's Day

2006-03-17T07:12:00.000-06:00

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

I love Saint Patrick's Day!
I'm missing it this year. Right now I'm craving corn beef.
I don't know why I love St. Patty's day?
Maybe it's because St. Patty's Day is a holiday I always celebrated with friends.
So, I hope everyone back home is having a good St. Patty's Day.
Cheers!

Lollapalooza

2006-03-16T13:25:00.000-06:00

Thanks, I really needed that.
If you're in Chicago, for the love all that is good go to Lollapalooza.
I really enjoyed it last year.
My favorite group was Kaiser Chiefs for putting on a great, kick ass show.
Go because I can't.

Ides of March

2006-03-14T09:04:00.000-06:00

Blue Demon
Originally uploaded by punk_rock_baby.

What should I do? How can I make my life the way I want it? It seems like it’s more and more about dealing with the shit life hands me. Unfortunately, I’m aware enough to know that most of the shit is the result of poor choices made on my part. You never know when what seems like a good idea turns out to be tomorrows major pain in the ass. And that is usually the case. I’m starting to think the bad decisions are really the right choices in hiding. Or at least that is what I would like to convince myself. Although some of my stupider choices have also fucked me over. Great, now I’m back to you’re just fucked. I have to say sometimes, it’s nice to be just plain fucked over. At least you know where you are and it’s all up hill from there. Maybe the problem is I should just stop dreaming. Sometimes, I feel like I should just give up. Go Buddhist, no desires. No hopes, no disappointments. Oh, let’s face it I would get bored. I don’t think I could stop dreaming. I wish I could some days. I don’t know what is worse, not knowing what you want or knowing what you want and not being able to have it. I think we’re back to fucked(or waiting). This is the year of waiting, not the year of the dog. One thing is for certain. Korea leaves me with way too much time to write rambling posts, which only really interest me. Venting, better than erupting. I’m tired. I think I’m starting to grow up(doesn’t that suck), because I’ve partially accepted the fact a) things will work out b)either way it’s not going to be like I expect it to be c) it doesn’t matter what I think or want. Faith is a bitch.

On a lighter note, Spiderman delivered pizza today to the school. No, really a man dressed as Spiderman delivered three sweet potato and ham pizzas for the teachers(yes I did say sweet potato, they like to put in on the pizzas). The deliver man was wearing a padded full body Spiderman costume and a motorcycle helmet. The kids got a kick out of him. And quite frankly I wish I had had my camera with me.

Also today was White Day, when guys give girls candy. It’s yet another made up commercial holiday. There is also the following made up holidays: Sandwich Day, Peppero Day, Movie Day, Rose Day, White day, Pork Day and Black Day.I know I’m missing some, but those are a few of them. Most of them are either based on food or relationships.

Current fav. song: The Delgados' "The Light Before We Land."

Relationships

2006-03-11T10:07:00.000-06:00

I suck at relationships. Really, I’m no good at them. Maybe because I have a bit of a love/hate relationship with them(like most people do). I’d love to be in love, but at the same time I am terrified of being hurt. What is love but pain? Love is not the rosy thing told of in fairy tales. When I was girl, I think I thought of love as the answer to all my problems. I dreamed of a shining white knight who would come and rescue me from my life, making everything story book perfect. I think I loved the abstract not the concrete. Because when reality came knocking, I wasn’t about to open the door. I remember this guy asking me out. I thought he was joking. Needless to say, I didn’t go out with him or anyone else for a long time. Thus beginning the trend of thinking men were not interested in me, since what is there to be interested in.

I didn’t date in high school. There was one guy I had a crush on but it ended in a fiasco which cemented some (dis)trust issues. I didn’t really consider dating in high school. I didn’t think anyone was interested, nor was I really. I considered myself too different to date.Who would want to date me? I also didn’t want to get close to anyone. I think I was a bit of a closed door to my friends. I never let them in, which is why we’re probably not friends now. By high school I had already learned, that love meant pain. Loving, letting someone in meant that some one had the power to hurt you. I didn’t want to be hurt anymore. I wanted to be independent. I used to have a hard time asking people for help or even letting them in. I wanted to rely on no one.

I went to college, with no purpose beyond this was where I was supposed to be. I ended up not getting into relationships, but at the same time wanting to feel wanted. I was actually quite oblivious to guys(ask my friends). At the same time, I was still not letting people in. The person to get the closest was Xee. Because I didn’t let people in or me out, I ended up depressed, fell to pieces and got kicked out of college. I went home, which quite honestly was the last place I wanted to be. It turned out it was exactly where I need to be. The next two years were not the greatest of years for me, but I am glad I was home for them. After two years, I headed back to school, because that was where I wanted to be. I wasn’t the same girl. I ended up starting a long term relationship with a good guy. He was fucked from the beginning. I wasn’t used to letting some one in. It could be argued I never really did let him all the way in. He would say he never knew where he stood with me, or how I was feeling. To be honest, sometimes I didn’t know how I was feeling. It’s not like anyone ever had asked or cared before, about how I was feeling. I ended the relationship, which was the right thing to do. It wasn’t because I was afraid of getting hurt, but because it wasn’t working, it wasn’t what I needed.

I’m not sure what I need, but I know more and more what I feel I need. I learned to trust my friends even more after that. I have some great friends, who have been there for me these past years. I don’t know what I would do without them. At the same time, when it came to letting someone in, or more precisely the possibility of letting some one in, I got scared. The old wounds had surfaced, raw, and bleeding. So, instead of waiting of gangrene to set in, I cut off the limb. I ran to the woods for shelter. So, now I don’t want to be alone, but at the same time I don’t know if I’m ready for a relationship. At the same time, that’s what I want. I want to find someone to let in. It’s probably not going to happen anytime soon. It isn’t going to be easy. I’ll probably still be scared witless(since I tend to be stupid about relationships). At the same time, I don’t want to travel through this world alone, so I‘ll bare the pain that comes with the joy and I‘ll open the door. Ah, if only it was that easy.

This blog was supposed to be about my adventures in Korea, but it’s turned into adventures in Kate. I guess this blog has become a medium for me to express how I’m feeling and thinking. Way too much time in suburbia. Sorry about this. Hopefully, the next post will be more Korea related.

Nones of March

2006-03-07T08:04:00.000-06:00

Dinner at Dan's
Originally uploaded by punk_rock_baby.

Beware the Nones of March.
Not really. It’s just fun to title it the nones of March.
It’s better than another random bits.
So, March 7th.

Every morning I teach the KG’s kids. They were cute as kittens, with about the same attention span.
I felt like an activities director on a cruise, but with out the swimming pool(a swimming pool would be nice).

I went to the bank. The bank is interesting because it requires more stamps than one could imagine and there are no clearly defined lines. At least to me there are no lines. People take numbers but people ignore them all the time and just go up and start talking to the clerk(who is usually female). Men, especially older men, don’t tend to wait but just go up to a window. Most of the people waiting were older women. I think there is a line, but it’s a social line, or should I say social hierarchy. Old men, old women, middle aged men, middle aged women, etc. Maybe I’m being too general. But one of the most common questions I get from my students is “How old are you?” I never answer this, nor do I answer the “Do you have a boyfriend?” I love the little kids, because I tell them I’m a grandma. No concept of age. Oh, in Korea friends are girls or boys who are the same age as you. Also there are not a lot of girls who have guy friends(not boyfriends) or vice versa in Korea. It’s changing slowly. If the person is younger or older it becomes a “sister” or “brother”; which makes finding out how many sisters or brothers a kid has difficult. Confucius is still hanging on in Korea. Go Neo-Confucianism.

Other random bits, oh lately there have been a lot of food pictures. I was having dinner with a friend and some one said. “We’re so Korean. We’re taking pictures of food.” Which was really true. Koreans are picture crazy!!! And food plays a large role in Korean society. Food is not something one just eats. Eating out, just eating is a communal, social gathering. Some foreigners have commented on feeling weird about eating alone at Korean restaurants because they are the only one eating alone. I’ve gotten used to it for the most part, I take out my book and have done with it. I usually go to the same place so they have gotten used to me. Actually the girl recommended a new dish tonight, which was good.

Lately, I have been running into parents. The problem with running into parent is not being able to speak Korean to them. Although I feel even worse when someone asks me for help or directions and I can’t help them. I have that happen quiet a bit. I had one today ask, where I was from and then say, “You have a Korean face.” As, in you have a Korean face but you don’t speak Korean I'm confused. A nice man. I confuse people. Sorry. I confuse myself too. Oh, well. Some body need to be different. Koreans aren’t really into differences. But that is an entirely too long of a post(rant) for tonight.

I’m feeling nostalgic and silly, since I’m listening to the Pres. Of the United States. Peaches!! Need more music!! : )

Have you read the Bible?

2006-03-03T21:45:00.000-06:00

Even in Korea there are Jehovah Witnesses. The only people who knock on my door are the gas lady and people who want to know if I've found Jesus.

"Do you know Jehovah Witnesses?"
"Yes, we have Jehovah Witnesses in America."
"Have you read the Bible?"
"Yes."
"Can I read to you."

That was a statement not a question. And the question is not "Have you read the Bible?" it's really "Have you read our bible?" "Have you found our God?" It's not about believing these days it's about subscribing to set doctrine and opinions. There is no middle ground these days it seems. It's us or them. So, it's not about what I believe it's about do you believe what I believe.

One of my favorite restaurants in Korea is Petras. It's Mediterranean. The guys who own it are really nice. I went here with a couple of friends for dinner the other night and we decided to bring a beer with since most places are byob. Just one to relax while we talked and ate. We had seen other people do it so, we knew it was okay. The guys had no problem with us drinking, at the same time I felt disrespectful. I don't think I'll bring alcohol there again. Maybe because Petras is such a homey place, I felt I was being disrespectful to them in the their home by drinking. At the same time, I realized how much I still don't know about Islam. That's some thing I need to change.

So, here's my odd religious rant. Now, I'm going to watch anime. Bye, peps.

Say Banana!

2006-03-03T07:55:00.000-06:00

Wake up
Originally uploaded by punk_rock_baby.

What do I want to say? Let’s go with what I can say.

Today, I showed children how to make the light go on. I showed them by linking two batteries to one light bulb you can make a brighter light. I turned off the lights, to further accentuate the brightness of their little light bulb. They loved it. Positive and negative, it’s the only way the light goes on.

Thomas the Tomato finally got his first perfect test. Punk. ; )

My guys(class of boys) shouted repeatedly, “I love America,” in class today. I told them in America summer vacation is three months and there is no homework. They were very excited about that(even during vacation they have homework and often go to extra intensive schools).

The other day I explained to a class why feminists hate Hello Kitty. I hate Hello Kitty. I've never liked this cute kitten with no mouth, and until recently no last name. I went to a great exhibit in New York at the Japanese Institue(?), about popular culture in Japan after WWII. It was amazing. They had a section on Hello Kitty. It was in the same room as the reaction back from ultra-nationalism to cutzy-nationalism and paintings of anemic,adolesent, bunny girls doing not bunny like things to do. I see Hello Kitty as a representation of Asians' silent, doll girls. But, this is something I'll post about latter.

It’s nice to have job where you end up laughing through most of the day. That may have a little bit to do with the fact I find many things funny. I have to say there is something about laughing with children. The children are the best part about Korea. If it wasn’t for the kids, I probably would have already been on a plane back home months ago. At the same time, I don’t think I’m going to be a teacher. I think it’s a possibility but I want to work in a library when I get back. We’ll see. Who knows?

Not much to say. I’ve been spending more time mulling over things. Waiting.

*This class has split and now totals twenty kids. They maybe my favorite class. There is no class I don't like.

first:Owen(gone, don't know why.)
second: Chris, Thomas the tomato, Peter, Michael
third: Sally, Johnny(who now smiles, participates and also got a perfect), Angella, Lynn(lost her today), Kelly, Marissa, and Jeremy.

Wayguk

2006-02-28T10:27:00.000-06:00

The secret to making new friends when you are a Korean American is hang out with other foreigners. The problem is first finding other foreigners to hang out with. When I got to Korea, I found I physically fit in to the Korean category. Culturally, I’m white bread. So when I meet Koreans, they were puzzled by my lack of Korean. Some will continue to speak Korean to me in hope that a secret switch will turn on and I will speak Korean like I’m supposed too. Hanging out with Jasmine’s Korean friends is something I avoid due to the fact it puts her in a weird position of either translating or juggling conversations. While with foreigners, I look Korean, thus I’m just one more person they can’t talk too. Actually I kind of freaked out a wayguk this morning by say “thank you.” So most days, I tend to end up in no man’s land, neither here nor there. (Actually it’s kind of been that way most of my life, you’d think I would be used to it.) By hanging out with other foreigners it’s translates to, “Oh, we can talk to her. She’s with other English speakers so she must speak English.” Finding other foreigners that I didn’t work with was the trick. Also in Korea, it’s kind of odd but you end up with a lot of single use friends. The kind from Fight Club, except instead of being stuck on a plane, you’re stuck in Korea. Everyone is trying to get somewhere. And everyone is in the same plane(or country). So, sometimes you meet someone, hang out for a day and then you never see the person again, no big deal. Singe use friend. I’m starting to make non-single use friends which is good. It’s nice to get out of no man’s land. I’m really enjoying meeting new people from all over the world. It’s really interesting. I’ve never been the best at making friends, due to some trust issues(which I’m getting over). So, I’m glad I’m opening up in that way. Friends always seemed like a dangerous proposition in many ways, it means letting people in. Letting people in means they can hurt you, betray you. And does it hurt, but at the same time, I’m starting to think the risk of the hurt is worth it in the long run. Plus, I’ve got some friends that have shown me again and again that they will be there for me when I need them. So, here’s to friends. Even single use friends. Thanks people.

King Kong

2006-02-26T10:13:00.000-06:00

I finally watched King Kong.
This is what I think of it.
Adrian Brody is sexy. Sexy for me isn't really based on physical appearance but more on personality. And I'm a sucker for heroics and writers. Oh, and men that actually act on their feelings even if it's some what tardly. Naomi Watts answers the question,"What did people do before GPS?" Peter Jackson reinterates that the tastest morsel in the animal kingdom is a size four, screaming blond. I don't know why? But, hmmm, large lizard or screaming, scrawny blond. And they go for the blond, which proves most of the animals were males. Have you ever read Neil Gaiman's story,"Wholesale"(I think that is what is called)? Well, same story goes for the T-rexs. Why have one when we can get them by bulk? Also, in Korea "kong" means "bean", thus King Bean. Bean is what you call the small shrimp of a kid(ref. Full Metal Alchemist), thus the title is ironic in Korea. Yes, Jack Black can play a cockroach. I liked the captian and the first mate. And, the movie closes with a heavy handed, trite line. "Beauty killed the Beast." Overall I enjoyed it, but I also wasn't expecting much.

Blame Canada.

2006-02-22T07:57:00.000-06:00

I blame Canada. My first experiences with Canadians haven't been, well, the most cheerful of experiences. It's not that I hold Canada to blame for one individuals folliables, but it didn't really leave a favorable impression. Luckily, and sadly this has changed. Two of my co-teachers are Canadians. (There are a large number of Canucks in Korea. I occasionally frequent a Canadian bar in Itaewon. They have a great truck stop breakfast.) T and A are really nice and to be quite honest great to work with. They've made the work situation much more enjoyable as well as being very helpful. It makes work much more enjoyable when you know some one shares your pain and your opinion of the work situation. We will often sit and quip back and forth about things during break time. I've learned a lot about Canada in the last few months. At other times we will just sit and talk about everything from world events to geek things(Penny Arcade. Red Vs. Blue, Fark). It's nice to be able to relax a bit at work. Soon this will all end. T and A are leaving for a trip to Europe at the end of March. I don't know who will replace them, but I will probably be a sad monkey when they leave. The office won't be as fun as it's been. Why? Well, sarcasms isn't everyone cup of tea, nor is quick and lively wit. Ah, who knows? Hopefully, they will hire some one who knows the value of a laugh.

2046

2006-02-17T10:22:00.000-06:00

I didn’t enjoy 2046, as much as I enjoyed In the Mood For Love, but who doesn’t prefer falling in love to coming back from love. Coming back from love. What is coming back from love? How does one come back from love? Does one come back from love? Either way, both are beautiful movies, In the Mood for Love more so.

I love music. Music has become my obsession of late. I didn’t really start buying music until last fall. I couldn’t afford music when I was growing up, or while I was in college. I would usually just listen to what was around. It wasn’t until I got back from Boston did I really begin to take an avid interest in music. Marty burned me a random mix cd, and it was off from there. I burn some stuff he had, but then I began to start exploring Reckless Records on weekends. God, I miss Reckless Records. I would wander in there on a saturday or sunday and flip through cds, narrowing it down to three cds to listen to and then belaboring which ones I should buy for the week. Alison helped, I copied quite a few cds from her while I was in New York, as well as imported some of my stuff on to her computer. Last year my cd player became a requirement on exiting my apartment. My bag usually was stuffed with my wallet, lip balm, cell phone, a notebook, pen, book, cd player, and cds. These days it’s wallet, lip balm, cell phone, notebook, pen, book, camera, and I-pod. I love my ipod. It’s great to have all my music at my finger tips. It’s all about music and cats(as my bro. Jeremy puts it). Now, instead of a few cds it’s 15 GB of music. And I’m always looking for more music.

I don’t really have a distinctive or selective taste in music. I have an eclectic mix of music. I don’t know anything about good or bad music, I just know what I like. I like what moves me. It needs to have momentum, energy, life. I saw the Kaiser Chiefs this summer and after I saw them in person, I went and bought their cd, “Employment.” Why? Because there was an undeniable passion, energy and joy in their performance and thus in their music I couldn’t deny. So, I’m happy they did so well this year. I love people with passion. I have a huge amount of respect for people who go after their dreams, who are passionate about living out their dreams, working for them. So it’s only natural I love music with passion, energy, momentum.

Yes, I'm babbling.

Post V-day.

2006-02-14T11:25:00.000-06:00

Well, I finally got around to posting links to other people.
I hope people are having a good Valentine's day.
Nothing to say.

If V-day wasn't nauseating enough

2006-02-13T10:36:00.000-06:00

I've heard of Koreans being dubbed "plastic beauties", but this tops that hands down. The link leads to an article on BBC World about Chinese couples in Shanghai getting matching noses. Yes, yes. Matching noses. You know, I would just settle for some flowers, a nice dinner, maybe some tasteful jewlery, but matching nose jobs would never be on my V-day wish list. So, if you didn't think V-day could get any more fucked up, well you thought wrong. Although in Korea on V-day women don't get anything, they have to give men chocolate. On March 14th, women are given hard candy by men, because you know women just love . . . hard candy. Can we say short end of the stick.

Well, I guess Happy Valentine's Day. Or, big bro. Happy Birthday.
Seriously, girls I hope you go out and treat yourself. Sorry, there are no witty cards this year. Koreans don't do funny cards, let alone cards saying,"Life is too short to dance with ugly men." or the such.

Happy V-day People.

There is something wrong with my head . . .

2006-02-12T10:01:00.000-06:00

but why am I laughing?
I find . . . well alot of things funny that probably shouldn't be.
I like it that way, at least this way I'm amused.
I find that if you can't laugh at all the weird shit, fuck ups, and Irony pissing on what you call a life, well then you should roll over and stop using up all the oxygen.

Today was a good day, but kind of a fucked up day.
Aren't they always(statement, not a question).
Nothing is ever simple.
Waiting, it's definately the year of waiting.
I hate waiting. I like action, not inaction.
Oh, well. Que Sera Sera(Did I spell that right?).

Torino

2006-02-10T21:04:00.000-06:00

I really like the Olympics. I'm not an athletic person by any means, but I enjoy watching both the Summer and Winter Olympics. Currently it's Saturday morning and I'm watching the opening ceremonies. It' s always fun to hear the running commentary about the athletes and about the countries. Like the best nickname has to be the "fast white sausage", probably a play on his name. Bermuda's one athlete actually lives in Japan and is a financial reporter. Grandma Luge, from the Virgin Islands is the oldest female athlete being 52. Korea matched for the first time in the Winter Olympics under the unification flag. Dot, is back representing Kenya, who took twice as long as the winner Dali, who greeted Dot when he finished. Dali is the name of Dot's son. I'm looking forward to being able to watch the events in the morning. It is not just seeing who wins, but also how people compete. Stories like Dali and Dot are some of the great jems of the Winter Olympics. Coming from Kenya, so determined to do ones best even if it takes twice as long as the winner. Some of these athletes are so dedicated to getting to the games to represent their country. They are determined to do their best, for themselves and for their country. I love it, that and the parade of nations soundtrack is all eighties pop songs, it's great.

Hope people are good.

I love you Russ Feingold

2006-02-08T08:24:00.000-06:00

"'What the administration has said is that when it comes to national security, the problem is that the Democrats have a pre-9/11 view of the world,' Feingold said. ' . . . The real problem is that the president seems to have a pre-1776 view of the world. That's the problem here.'

Russ Feingold
-Washington Post

"We all also had our own initial reactions, and my first and most powerful emotion was a solemn resolve to stop these terrorists. And that remains my principal reaction to these events. But I also quickly realized that two cautions were necessary, and I raised them on the Senate floor the day after the attacks.

The first caution was that we must continue to respect our Constitution and protect our civil liberties in the wake of the attacks. As the chairman of the Constitution Subcommittee of the Judiciary Committee, I recognize that this is a different world with different technologies, different issues, and different threats. Yet we must examine every item that is proposed in response to these events to be sure we are not rewarding these terrorists and weakening ourselves by giving up the cherished freedoms that they seek to destroy.

The second caution I issued was a warning against the mistreatment of Arab Americans, Muslim Americans, South Asians, or others in this country. Already, one day after the attacks, we were hearing news reports that misguided anger against people of these backgrounds had led to harassment, violence, and even death.

I suppose I was reacting instinctively to the unfolding events in the spirit of the Irish statesman John Philpot Curran, who said: "The condition upon which God hath given liberty to man is eternal vigilance." "

-From his speech Oct. 25th 2001.
He voted against the Patriot Act.

I need to get more political.
This may mean more political rants than personal ones, I'm sure you won't mind.

Running

2006-02-07T10:24:00.000-06:00

Sometimes it's the little things that make you laugh.
What made me happy today:
One, that most of my kids are old enough to blow their own noses.
Except for the one who couldn't and sat with snot running down his nose.
Ah, teaching English and how to blow one's nose all in the same day.

Frankenstein

2006-02-06T10:06:00.000-06:00

I've finally gotten around to reading Mary Wollstonecraft Shelley's "Frankenstein" and am loving it.

"We rest; a dream has power to poison sleep.
We rise; one wand'ring thought pollutes the day.
We feel, conceive, or reason; laugh or weep,
Embrace fond woe, or cast our cares away;
It is the same; for, be it joy or sorrow,
The path of its departure still is free.
Man's yesterday may ne'er be like his morrow;
Nought may endure but mutability"

Mutablity
-Percy Bysshe Shelley

"I am thy creature, and I will be ever mild and docile to my natural lord and king, if thou wilt also perform thy part, the which thou owest me. Oh, Frankenstein, be not equitable to every other, and trample upon me alone, to whom thy justice, and even thy clemency and affection, is most due. Remember, that I am thy creature; I ought to be thy Adam; but I am rather the fallen angel, whom thou drivest from joy for no misdeed. Every where I see bliss, from which I alone am irrevocably excluded, I was benevolent and good; misery made me a fiend. Make me happy, and I shall again be virtuous."

Just Looking

2006-02-06T08:44:00.000-06:00

Weird building
Originally uploaded by punk_rock_baby.

Hi Everyone,
I am not a sad, sad geek right now. I tend to have a lot of time to think about things, acutally way too much time to reflex on things. So, as a result of living in suburbia, you will occasionally get sad monkey posts. These post are mostly me getting things out of my system and trying to sort them out by writing about them. It's kind of like a more public version of a diary. So, my blogs are often to get some fresh perspective on old soggy issues.

Actually for the most part I'm having a good time. I'm getting out alot more. I've made friends. I like Korea for the most part, but still hate suburbia. Hopefully, when spring rolls around I'll have more interesting posts about Korea.

Also, I am very grateful for the many loving people who I do have in my life(and whom I don't know what I would do with out), and for their graciousness and patience in putting up with me. : ) Especially my mother. I don't know what I would do with out you guys.

I hope everyone is doing good. Take care.

Love,
Kate

Do I look like a geek to you?

2006-02-02T09:21:00.000-06:00

Geek:

Etymology: probably from English dialect geek, geck fool, from Low German geck, from Middle Low German
1 : a carnival performer often billed as a wild man whose act usually includes biting the head off a live chicken or snake
2 : a person often of an intellectual bent who is disapproved of

As for the first definition of geek, I think that only applies to people who work at White Wolf Publishing(reference: Chinese snake liquor). While the second definition applies to a wider range of people and is more accurate. Geeks, know they are geeks, in fact most of them are proud of it. Most geeks are well aware of the stereotypes that have dogged them since high school. The thing is most geeks will play off of this stereotype. The other things is they really don’t give a flying fuck what people think of them. “Oh, the Heathers don’t like me. Hey, Winona steal any good clothes lately?” For the most part geeks relish living on the fringe of society. We like it out here. It’s quite a view. The other thing is we’re going to be who we are. And if that means wearing capes and spending night sitting around a table with a couple of friends, well that is what we are going to do. We maybe the kids that didn’t quite fit in during high school, but wait, haven’t you ever felt like you didn’t quite fit in? Hasn’t everyone? So why are some people geeks, and others not?

What makes a geek, a geek? What defines being a geek? Is it a love of D&D? Is it laughing at Penny Arcade? Is it watching the Matrix? Is it reading Batman? Am I a geek? Well, yeah. I’m not an uber-geek, I’ll be honest. I’m a hobby gamer(although I haven‘t gamed in ages), but I know about leveling up, I even played a mefit once, and Degenesis is one of the prettiest RPG’s I’ve ever seen. I can talk of hours about “The Lord of the Rings.” I’m a comic book junkie, who’s jonesing for ol’ Chicago Comics. I laugh my ass off at Penny Arcade. The thing about being a geek is it isn’t just about what you like. A lot of people like things like “The Lord of the Rings” or read comics; but would I call them a geek? Not really. Here’s a secret. Geeks are elitist. Not everyone can be a geek.

Geeks “a person often of an intellectual bent who is disapproved of”. By being disapproved of by mainstream culture frees geeks from societal norms. Because well, we’re not normal, we’re geeks and damn proud of it. But, we’re funny, anti-social, miscreants. Comedy is saying the wrong things that no one want to admit are perfectly true, and perfectly horrible. And how could you go wronger or blunter than a geek? Thus, most geeks have perfected sarcasm, razor wit, innuendo, self-deprecation, and one liners into an art form. The intellectual bent on a geek is killer, especially when combined with passion. Geeks are passionate people(never would have guessed it, would you?). Geeks passions are as varied as there are different types of geeks. With in the geek kingdom there are gamer geeks, comic geeks, sci-fi geeks, computer geeks, Tolkien geeks, Trekkies, Star Wars geeks, music geeks, movie geeks, ect. I’m not even going to touch the sub-categories of geeks. For me geeks are interesting people, who are intelligent, passionate individuals with great senses of humor who care more about what they believe in that what society tells them think and be. So hopefully you’re a geek. Yes, you. You just didn’t know it. But, it’s okay you can admit. Say, “I am a geek“. Doesn’t that feel better.

Let’s be honest it’s the nerds you have to watch out for.
Nerd: an unstylish, unattractive, or socially inept person; especially : one slavishly devoted to intellectual or academic pursuits.

I love being a geek. In fact, I love geeks. There is something beguiling about geeks. Let’s be honest, they’re like crack(as in both the hard drug and the Irish meaning of to have a good time). Once you get your first taste of geek you never go back(Sorry kids). And yes that does mean I have a love/hate relationship with myself. But, that’s okay, cause we kick ass.

Click on the title to see what started the rant. Thank goodness for people with a sense of humor.

*I’ll probably re-edit this later, when it isn’t midnight and I actually put some thought into it.

* This a picture from GenCon. so, yes, I am a geek.

*Definitions are from Webster’s On-line Dictionary.

Dog Days

2006-01-31T09:02:00.000-06:00

It’s the year of the dog. It’s already begun. The gift boxes of Spam and smelt have been given out. The kids have bowed and are now clutching fat purses of new year’s money to be spent in PC rooms and manga. What do I have to say about the year of the dog? Nothing, it’s just another year. It being a dog year just makes it more honest about itself. I feel like a dog waiting for dinner scraps, sitting patiently, watching people eat, while my tongue hangs out, I lick my chops waiting for something, anything. It’s a going to be a year of patience. I am not a patient person in some ways. So maybe that’s what I will work on this year, being patient. Or it may mean I’m just going to be a whiny bitch all year. : ) Ah, who cares? I think I’ll just go howl at the moon.

*Note: I just realized it's Feb. 1st. Feb. 1st is several peoples birthday, so "Happy Birthday."

Words

2006-01-27T23:07:00.000-06:00

To love is to risk not being loved in return.
To hope is to risk pain.
To try is to risk failure,
But risk must be taken,
Because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing.
--Leo Buscaglia

Irony

2006-01-24T09:53:00.000-06:00

Irony is kicking my ass. Irony is a bitch. One day a friend of mine and I are going to chase her down and beat the shit out of the bitch goddess Irony. And it will be a day of much rejoicing. To long has she reigned and wrecked havoc in our lives, adding comedy and drama we could do with out. I’m probably scandalizing the good people who read this journal. Well, lest you’ve been deceived, I am not a good person I‘m a dreamer. What does this have to do with Irony, nothing. Irony is blind like Justice(who really isn’t blind, she peeks), but the balances tip between Comedy and Truth. Some days I wish I was stupider so that I wouldn’t see that I’ve been double teamed by my own choices(History/Past) and Irony(Comedy/Truth). You think I would have a sharper learning curb. That once burned by fire, I would know better. Well, Irony isn’t the only thing that is blind. I wish fear was blind, but it sees everything, and what is worse it feels everything and remembers all.

Meanderings

2006-01-21T23:48:00.000-06:00

Night view of Han River
Originally uploaded by punk_rock_baby.

I hate when life gets stale, because than I go stale. Life was not stale this weekend. It was beautiful. There is beauty in catching a late night meal at a Mediterranean restaurant, drinking an unknown drink, while watching “Jaws” subtitled in Korean, and ending the meal watching friends dance with the workers of the restaurant. It’s in a businessman’s un-abashed joy of dancing with his wife, as children half their age dance searchingly for the one(or the one for the night). The children play, pretending, cheering, shining. But there is sadness too, as I watch men and women stand on the sidelines. For the children it is one night and every night into eternity. As it is also for the one’s who watch from the fringes, of life, of the dance floor, trying to fit in with timid moves but lapsing into blatant stares. They long to fit, to dance, to forget, to transform themselves for a moment in the frenzy and joy of dance. Hidden in the darkness, they wonder, they stare, looking for the secret of these magical creatures wanting to be one, or at least possessing one even if it’s only for a moment, a beat. Outsiders with their faces pressed to the window watching the Christmas toys dance perfectly. The flicker of the strobe breaks the darkness showing, bearing all for a second, before we lapse back into forgetful, lost darkness of youth. Later we laugh as we take online tests telling us when we will die, 84 is along why away. Loneliness and failure scares us more than death. As we stare out onto Seoul, framed by mountains and made of the twinkling of life’s lights going on and off as people live and dream,we think there is still so much to do. Wishes and wants fly about the room. Our dreams and hopes lay on our lips, wishes to be blown on the wind. We peal away the darkness, trying to discover ourselves while introducing the people we’d like to be to the people we don’t know. I stare out watching man’s stars and I fall in love with it all over again, the feeling of being at peace with being just a girl in a big world. A stranger in a strange world, still unknown, still full of hope and possibilities. Beauty, is my bittersweet pomegranate, I will eat my three seeds.

* I’m tired, it’s been a busy weekend(I haven‘t slept in my bed since Thursday night). I’m sorry if this is trite, sentimental crap(which it is). It's all I've got right now. I'm a shit of a writer, but sometimes feelings win out over sense. All I have is feelings, emotions, but then they are more important than what happened. I hope people are having a good weekend.

I hope you’ve had some beautiful moments.

ego_wins

2006-01-17T10:51:00.000-06:00

ego_wins
Originally uploaded by punk_rock_baby.

I don’t really have anything to say right now. I do have several e-mails and a couple of letters I should write and get off. Will I? Not tonight. I don’t seem to have anything to give tonight. I’ve received some really nice e-mails from people. I love to hear how people are doing, or just a quick note to say hi. I don’t like losing people and getting the occasional e-mail means they aren’t lost, they’re still there, still part of my life. I recently got some Christmas presents that made my day. I found out officially an old college chum is going to be a father. Other friends are buying a house. Another friend is doing a step-a-thon for a friend’s daughter. And the sweetest e-mail I’ve gotten recently was from San Diego. I recently got a hand phone and sent out a massive e-mail to well just about everyone including a few people I was doubtful as to whether I should send it to but did anyways. The result was a very sweet e-mail from San Diego. If you family you are probably wondering who I know from San Diego. If you friends you are probably wondering likewise. The truth it’s from my ex-boyfriend’s grandmother. This grandma is one of the sweetest ladies I have ever meet. So it was good to receive an e-mail from her. She is basically what I would like to be when I’m a grandma. She’s great, with a kind and loving heart. Where I am I going with this? I have no idea. It’s just nice that’s all. Oh, and I miss my cat because he’s the best. I love it when I get e-mails from him, I've gotten two. So Ego keep up the good work. Hey, he plays computer games and watches tv so he can e-mail too.

Wanderlust

2006-01-15T09:31:00.000-06:00

I want to wander the streets alone. There is something incredibly exhilarating and freeing about walking the streets of an unknown city. No one knows you, you know no one, it's just you and and unknown world waiting to be discovered and no bonds exist, just pure freedom. Not here though, here it's been done. The street no longer seem strange. No adventure seems to hide around the bend. I do not know this land, but it is familiar enough to breed passiveness. It is no longer a new land, full of possibilities. Not because it is without possibilities, but because my imagination lacks the will to transform, to pretend. My mind is no longer curious, it is sated with it's limited and paltry knowledge, or more truthfully it's rash assumptions. My curiosity is not tickled and the monkey in my brain is asleep. Where does my wander lust dream of walking? It dreams of the days when it can wander the streets of Hong Kong, of Tokyo, and Kyoto. My time there will be short. Long enough to fall in love, and short enough not to grow bored, so they will remain perfect in their briefness. At the same time I long for familiar streets and haunts. I long for streets I call home, but will I return to them? I don't know.

I'm not wildly happy, but I'm good. In fact, I'm pretty good. Sometimes it may not seem so from my blogs, but I am very content. I'm looking forward to my remaining time in Korea. Korea, hasn't been easy, but it's been good for me and will probably continue to be good to me. I'm looking forward to seeing more of Korea when the weather gets better. At the same time I don't want to stay more than a year, because I have other things to do. I have other dreams. Moreover I'm looking forward to doing some traveling outside of Korea too. It's very exciting, getting to start research into Kyoto, Tokyo, and Hong Kong. I'm also thinking about the future, what I want to do when I get back to the States. Most importantly where I will end up settling. Will I choose home or a new adventure? Either way there will be challenges. The first is deciding what I want. Isn't that always the question. And it's a trick question, because just because you want something doesn't mean you'll get it or, that you should even get it. All I know is I'm going to make it a good year.
: )

Wishes and light

2006-01-12T10:28:00.000-06:00

Lantern for Buddha's Birthday
Originally uploaded by punk_rock_baby.

There are nights for sleeping and tonight is not one of those nights. Some nights sleep seems like a waste of time. Tonight dreams are just another hamster on a wheel. Rather than waste my time doing what I should be doing I doodle way, indulge in watching one of my favorite movies(Bleu), while sipping coffee. Aside from the wandering feelings in my head the caffine alone should keep me up till the early hours of the night. The restless feeling is back again. Like a cat in a cage, I'm pacing. Waiting. Always waiting. Now I wait for september, for freedom and new adventures. Isn't this an adventure? Why isn't it enough? Yet, why I am I such a rush to go home? As usually I want everything. But that's okay.

So here I sit listening to the wind whistle through the building, chilling plastic palm trees decked in cheap christmas light. Music, music everywhere. I search for something that says, "You need me. Buy me." I want music that moves. It has to have the momentum I lack, so I can take it with on my meaderings. I should start a new mix cd to keep me busy. I can't create, but at least I can slap together some music for my friends. Music and cats, it's all about music and cats. Back to finding more music. To sleepless nights.

Shiny

2006-01-10T09:08:00.000-06:00

Shiny
Originally uploaded by punk_rock_baby.

Merry Christmas.
No, really Merry Christmas. Today was Christmas. The i-pod was a Christmas/Id gift to myself, which I got this weekend. But today, I received two Christmas packages. It was great. It was fun to open Christmas gifts. I got some great stuff today. It made me feel all warm and fuzzy. So thanks everybody.

Breakfast with pickles

2006-01-09T09:03:00.000-06:00

Breakfast with pickles
Originally uploaded by punk_rock_baby.

It’s a good thing when you don’t sleep in your own bed for two nights in a row. No, I haven’t meet anyone. It just that the subway system closes down so early I end up crashing at people’s houses or having to go home a ten o’clock. So both last night and sat. night I ended up crashing at friends. It’s been a good weekend. Friday nights are lost night for me since I get done at nine o’clock. So the weekend starts sat. morning for me. What did I do this weekend? I got held hostage by a nice volunteer at a Buddhist temple. I watched anime. I bought an I-pod. I got to spend the night drinking good beer, talking, and watching more anime and Firefly. Crashed at Jennifer’s. I got back to Hwa-jeong and played with Kodama(I-pod). I head back into Seoul to meet up with Jasmine. We looked at phones. Headed to Myeongdong to look at clothing for Jasmine(Stella McCarthy makes sexy work out gear). Had coffee and talked. Headed back to Yongsan. Bought a red cell-phone(hand phone in Konglish), at Yongsan. Then we went back to Trump World, where Jasmine lives and spent the night talking and watching trashy tv. So it was a good weekend.

Brain isn't in today. Can I take a message?

2006-01-05T07:27:00.000-06:00

So I lied about that funny work post. What should I post about in this new year? I can’t seem to get anything out right now. Probably because my brain has been eaten by my latest cold. Kids, full of germs. This is my third cold since I got here. Usually at the most I get sick once a year. I tend to get colds when I start new jobs, but these last two are just bonus ones. Lucky me. I wonder how many more colds I’ll catch this winter? Anyways, the brain is on vacation so this is going to be a random list.

Random bits about Korea:
1. At “big dinner” one may have to toast ones boss's love life(we did it twice).
2. There are at least 21 romantic holidays in Korea. My favorite is Black day when singles wear black and eat black food. It’s like my own holiday.
3. Everything comes with pickles. Pasta in cream sauce, with pickles. Breakfast sandwich, pickles, ketchup, mustard, and not again.
4. Never say salsa. Just trust me on this.
5. Koreans spend more on cigarettes and beauty products than they do on books.
6. Never talk about Japan.
7. Never talk down or criticize Korea or Koreans.
8. Korea’s public transit bugs me because it shuts down really early. I usually need to leave Seoul for Hwajeong by 10 p.m. or at 5 a.m. I live an hour outside of Seoul in suburbia. This will probably be the only time I ever live in suburbia until I have kids. I hate suburbia.
9. When one's co-worker leaves after a month, the party line is she got sick and then had to move away. Parents don't like change. Toe the party line.
10. My brain has died.

I hope you have all of your brains and that no cold or random herd of zombies have eaten them. Take care of your brains. Bye!

Neil Gaiman

2006-01-02T09:43:00.000-06:00

From Neil Gaiman's journal:

May your 2002 be filled with magic and dreams and good madness. I hope you read some fine books and kiss someone who thinks you're wonderful, and don't forget to make some art -- write or draw or build or sing or live as only you can. And I hope, somewhere in 2002, you surprise yourself.

And I hope you do.

Neil Gaiman is one of my favorite authors. He originally wrote if for 2002, but re-posted it because is still applied. It's a good wish, and hopefully a good prediction. I found it on a friends post and had to spread it to my friends and family. Well, I hope you do too.

Funny post about work later.

Moving On

2006-01-01T09:49:00.000-06:00

Last year, well, was a mixed bag. Looking back there was some crap-tacular things. At the same time I had some great times too. Going to see Neil Gaiman with Ryan. Visiting Alison in New York for my birthday. Getting to party with Xee. Staying up late and just talking to Will. Or sitting up look out over Indy with Jesse. GenCon was great(but also a bit of a mixed bag). I’d rather not focus on the bad things, but rather learn from them. Alison was right last year was kind of a year of moving through things and issues. I learned a lot last year, which is why it was a good year if a hard year.

What did I learn last year? I learned what good friends I have. I also learned how to live again, to be myself. I discovered my passion for music(10 GB in four months). I learned how to accept. I learned to forgive. I learned more about what I really need and want. I learned not to pass up good things because I'm afraid of being hurt. I learned I need to work still on my trust issues. Nothing risked is nothing gained. I learned well, a lot or should I say I experienced a lot last year. Hopefully, I’ll put my experiences to good use.

So, this year is about moving on. I feel good about this year. I don’t know why? I hope you feel good about this year too. Here's to a kick ass new year! To dreams. ; )

Green Day "American Idiot" "Blvd of Broken Dreams"

Happy New Years!

2005-12-31T23:20:00.000-06:00

In ten minutes it will be 2006 for my friends on the East Coast. For me it’s been 2006 for 14 hours. What do I have to say about the new year. As with last year, music makes everything better. Riding up to Nowon with Danya, I asked her, “Do you have any new year’s resolutions?” She said, “I hadn’t thought about it. What about you?” “No.” Looking back on the year are they’re things I would change? Yes, and no. Can I change them? No. So, instead I move on. Things happen, things don’t. So what do I want out of this next year? I don’t know. I know I will travel, so it’s not a matter of want. It’ll happen because I will make it happen. Traveling is easy, you just make the decision and go. Some decisions are easy. No, there are things I want, but I can’t have. And maybe that’s my resolution to get better at letting go of wants, not of dreams, but of wants. There are things I need and things I want. Maybe I should focus on what I need this year. What do I need? I need to focus on being more patience, discipline, and having better self-control. Oh, it’s now midnight on the East Coast, Happy New Years. What will this new years bring? This I know, the rest will be as it will be:

Finish my contract with school.
Travel to Japan.
Travel to Thailand or China.
I will move to either Chicago, New York, or Seattle.
I will knit one scarf.
I will make more mix cds to terrorize my friends.
I will write as much as I can.
I will spend more money that I should on books and music.
I will get my cat back.
I will be me. I’m sorry but that isn’t going to change.
I will continue to be that crazy girl you not so secretly shake your head at when she does something silly, stupid, crazy, or just something only I would do.
I will continue to be an impulsive dreamer.

Yes, that’s maybe my resolution, to keep dreaming. Not probably a very good one, nor a very wise one, but I’ve never been wise. So here’s to a new year and new dreams.
Sorry if this isn’t the best post. I didn’t get much sleep last night, it being New Years and all. I hope everyone had a safe and kick ass New Years. Have a great new year and big dreams.