Renewal

Interesting. I needed to talk to my assistant manager about my air ticket home. I wanted to make sure that they could hold my ticket until I got back from Japan. The thing was, she wanted me to resign for longer. It was nice to know they like me enough to resign me, since I get absolutely no feedback on how I am doing from them. The thing is it made me wonder why I am going home and if I’m making the right decision.

I really do like my job. I really enjoy “teaching” kids, especially since it is always interesting, they seem to be learning and all of us enjoy the experience. I’m going to miss teaching them when I leave. My co-workers are nice. Jasmine has been great, and I’m sure we will keep in touch after I leave Korea. I haven’t learned as much Korean as I should, although I am trying to rectify that. Korea has been an interesting learning experience for me.

Korea has not been an easy experience for me. I knew it was going to be hard, but I either wasn’t ready for it or was in denial about it. I thought, yes I would be cut off from people, but most of the previous year I was cut off from people and alone. I didn’t realize how much visits from friends and phone conversations kept me grounded and connected.

I have never had to explain what I am so many times as when I’ve been in Korea. When I meet people in America, I’m just Kate. In Korea it depends on if they are Korean or if they are a foreigner. If they are Korean it goes, Korean? You don’t speak Korean? Why don’t you speak Korean? When are you going to learn how to speak Korean? You poor girl. If it is a foreigner it’s, Do you speak Korean? You don’t, why? Oh, you’re adopted. Are you going to find your birth mother? Are you going to learn Korean? I’ve never had to explain myself so much in my life. It’s like explaining why you are abnormal again and again. What’s wrong with me, nothing. I just want to be left alone.

I don’t belong here. Just walking down the street, or getting a cup of coffee yells to me you don’t belong here. And I don’t. I’m really not Korean and I never will be. Maybe that’s part of the problem I was searching for something that I thought was missing, the Korean part of Korean-American, but the thing is I’m American. Nothing is missing. I just miss home.

There will be things I miss about leaving Korea. In a way Korea has been good to me. I’ll miss having my own place, a decent paying job, my job, the kids, the food, the opportunities for travel, and the some of the experiences, but it’s time to go home. Thank goodness. What happens when I get home, well that’s going to be another story.