Stranger in Her Native Land

There are stories I would like to tell and there are stories I can never tell. The rest is recorded below. My life, which lies between truth and fiction, is written here. Things are changing.

Location: Chicago, IL, United States

Can I feed you? :)

Wednesday, March 07, 2007

Thanks to a Pirate.

I have never been so excited by a cd box. Well, part of that might be the fact that I think this is the first cd box I have purchased. Odd, but wait until you hear the rest of it. I’ve only ben purchasing music since the fall of 2005(?). Before that I just collected what people gave me and buying the odd cd maybe once a year. My music background was, well, almost non-existence. My ex-boyfriend mocked me once since I didn’t know who the Ramones were. Shocking. My ex-boss took me to a Cramps concert, whom I also didn’t know but recognized during the course of the night( and came to realize they had been playing together longer than I was on this earth).

That was then, this is now and it’s a whole new story. No longer do I not know who the Ramones are, in fact I have them. Now, my music is limited only by the space on my hard drive. I currently have 511 artists and it would take me over 14 days to listen to it, all as well as having 58 different genres of music. This pales in comparison with most of my friends. But it’s a long way from two years ago.

The latest excitement is Arcade Fire’s “Neon Bible.” Today I bought my first box set and it was slick black box with a neon bible hologram that opens and closes. But the best thing about this box set besides a cd I can excited about, is the flip books. Yes, “Neon Bible” comes with two flip books. I have never been so amused by a flip book, probably because it was the last think I expected to find in the box.

I love surprises. I love music. It’s one of the few things I get excited about these day. Thank goodness for good music.

Friday, February 16, 2007

The Grind

The other day when we were having a snow storm, guess what I tried to do? I went exploring my new neighborhood. Yes, in a snow storm with biting winds. No one said I was a smart cookie. Being held up in my house for days was starting to get to me so I didn’t feel like going home the other day. I rode the brown line up two stops farther north than Irving Park and got off at Western. I had been snooping around on Metromix for local coffee shops and found one just south on Lincoln called the Grind that sounded promising. Unfortunately after trudging through the snow and past an expensive and promising wine shop the place was full. I ended up walking south on Lincoln till I found an empty coffee shop that I probably will not return to across from a Korean place I will have to check out. On a walk that completely froze my toes I passed a library, Evil Clown Records, a place called “Feed the Beast”, a sushi place called “Tank” and probably more interesting things if I had been able to looked around more. Adventures for a warmer day.

Yesterday, I decided to give the Grind another go. Space wise it’s a rather crowded place smaller than one floor of my apartment. For seating there are about 10 small black wooden tables with accompanying chairs. On the bare brick walls there are original watercolors from an independent comic artist. The menu looks good. They had a good variety of baked goods from mini tarts to brownies. Meals ranged from breakfast fare to pannini sandwiches and some salads. The kicker is they serve waffles three different ways. How can one go wrong? Their names aren’t as literary as the Bourgeois Pig, more utilitarian. One day I will have to try some and see if they taste as good as they look. This time I stuck to coffee, black, with a free refill. I have to admit one of my favorite things about this place is the music selection. W, you would have loved it. Free wireless and the Decemberists. So the Grind is a good local option for me to go and take my book out for coffee. I don’t know if it is my favorite coffee shop, but there are many more places I need to check out.

Hopefully, when the weather warms up there will be more posts about me exploring Chicago.

Also, Happy Chinese New Year (it’s this weekend).

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

I have horrible taste in men.

My friends have told me that I have horrible taste in men. An old boyfriend said I have horrible taste in men (and that was when I was dating him). So according to popular consensus I have horrible taste in men.

On this Valentine's Day, I called my mother and this is what she had to say in the course of the conversation: "Well, men just aren't that great. They're not!" (I love my mother. ) And yet at the same time, she is still wildly optimistic about finding a companion. And I hope with all my heart she does.

She wanted to make sure that I didn't have any wild ideas about men on white horses and such. I assured her that any wild dreams had died long ago. I am not looking for a knight in shining armor to save me or any of that shit.

Honestly, I am looking for a companion, some one to keep me company. I need some who can carry on a good conversation and not just some one who can listen but who can make me see things differently. A man with similar interest, but not identical. I am looking for a man who I enjoy spending time with and spending time way from. I am want a man who is there for me but not some one there to fix or save me. The thing is I am not really looking for anyone, yeah part of me is tired of being alone. But quite honestly part of me couldn't give a shit. Life goes on, alone or with some one. The important thing is to do what you need to do to live.

I have better things to do besides care about men who aren't that great. ; )
And, I have a fridge full of Blue Moon, the greatest cat in the world, loads of great music, some good books, and awesome friends and family. If only spring would get here I would be perfectly happy. But for out of this world happiness I would need to be traveling.


Wednesday, January 24, 2007

A Women's Wish List

1. Command Time: Thus I would be able to fast forward through the winter doldrums and St. Valentine's day(one of the evil-est day of the year for singles).

2. Lose Weight: I don't think this needs an explanation.

3. Telaporter: Then I could visit any one, any where.

4. Debt Free: With no debt I would be free to do so much more.

5. Hot Sugar Daddy with No Strings: I would say a real man, but they seem to be rather thin on the ground or at least in Chicago.

Sunday, January 21, 2007

A while

I have grown wearing of burying feelings and thoughts as quickly as they were born. Aborting them before they have even the potential to cause trouble, heartache and regrets. Nothing stays buried even with cement shoes and 50lbs iron weights. Dead bodies float, get dug up, the evidence remains. Specters shadow your steps through life since they are parasites feeding off of your heart which never forgets. Your past isn’t marked by what you remember, which is a lie, but rather the state of your heart.

My heart is not in bad shape but neither is it in good shape. Like very thing else in the world the two guiding principles are in affect, irony and relativity. My heart if I had to describe the state of my heart it is not a trusting heart. There is little else I could say with certainty other than that my heart is not a trusting heart. It is sad the strongest description is a negative one. If only I could have written that mine is a warm heart, an open heart, a big heart, a caring heart, a forgiving heart, a merciful heart. Any of these would have been a more welcome description than an untrusting heart. But it is a true reflection of my past and of who I am.

But as I write this I feel like I am making excuses. I do not want to do that. And although I feel I do have reasons behind why my heart bears these scars, I also understand that I have for too long let my scars dictate my choices and thus my future. So, as always I form a new wish and dream and set out again.

Sunday, January 14, 2007

To Beginnings

Entertaining. It is odd what people find entertaining. Everyone has different tastes; to each their own. What I find entertaining is entertaining. Or at least I enjoy entertaining. This weekend was a weekend in many ways of beginnings. A baby girl who will one day be an amazing women was born and I had my first dinner party. In magnitude the birth far out ways the concocting a dinner of pastas and desserts. But since I was not there for the birth, I will have to resort to writing about my own beginning and why it was so important to me.

Last year when I was far away from everyone. I dreamed of cooking for people. Of getting my family together and cooking a meal and just talking. This thanksgiving half fulfilled that wish, by having all the family that could be there, there to celebrate. It was a great evening which reinforced the correctness of my choice to move back to Chicago so I could be close to them.

Another one of my dreams was to have friends over and cook for them, to sit around enjoying good food and great conversation. This wish was half fulfilled last night. I did get to cook for people, maybe not my friends but my roommates friends all the same I truly enjoyed it. I invited a few people from work, who were kind enough to show up and seemed to enjoy themselves. I appreciated that. My roommates friends were very gracious in their praise and enjoyment. I cooked nothing fancy. At the same time, people really seemed to enjoy it. It wasn’t because I am a especially good cook but it’s because people don’t cook very much anymore. People don’t get the opportunity to in our busy world, so they don’t get the enjoyment, the simple enjoyment of creating some thing good. A at work couldn’t believe that what I wanted to do on my day off was to cook for people, he found it odd and maybe it is. There’s the thing, I don’t just enjoy making food, I enjoy sharing food. There is something good about sharing ones food. By saying, come eat, have a good time, enjoy your friends, this is life.

Bit by bit I move forward. Last night was good. Hopefully, it will not be a singular event, but the beginning of a tradition of dinner parties filled with good food, great people and fullness. To my little beginning.

Saturday, January 13, 2007

Happy Birth Day.

Yeah for Zoe.
Today my friends had their first baby.
So, here’s to new beginnings and being an auntie.
Congrats, proud parents.