Stranger in Her Native Land

There are stories I would like to tell and there are stories I can never tell. The rest is recorded below. My life, which lies between truth and fiction, is written here. Things are changing.

Name:
Location: Chicago, IL, United States

Can I feed you? :)

Sunday, July 23, 2006

Sabasaba chicken


Sabasaba chicken
Originally uploaded by punk_rock_baby.
I love food. I love eating different kinds of food. Heck, I love looking at different kinds of food. Yesterday, I whiled part of the day away looking at perfectly arranged displays of everything from fresh fish to red pepper paste covered vegetables. I like super markets(although I like markets even better) because you can see what people eat and often you can try different food. I really like farmer’s markets back home. I loved the fact that in the heart of business Chicago you can still see farmers markets on summer mornings. On Tuesdays during the summer I would often come home with whatever fresh fruit was in season. I liked it, I miss farmers markets. I haven’t seen really seen any farmers markets here. I’m looking forward to going to some in Thailand. I’m planning on taking a couple of cooking courses, which included trips to markets to buy ingredients. It should be a blast. One of the things I like about Korea is the food is so communal. You don’t really eat alone in Korea. And if you do have food you always share. When people drink, you eat. When people get together you eat. Food goes with having a good time in Korea, it goes with friends and family. Life is food, and the food in Korea if I had to describe it is simple, hearty, with a kick(either spicy or fishy), thus so is life. Korean fare is not a food for overly refined pallets, but it’s good wholesome food, warm. I’ll miss my steaming pots of sundubu(tofu stew with mushrooms, an egg, mussels, and onions) on cold nights.

Sunday, July 16, 2006

Happy Consitution Day!

Still raining, really it hasn’t stopped raining since the last post.
Happy Constitution Day! In Korea.

I don’t think they do anything special, like we do for the Fourth. They treat is like a day off. Oh, and it is a day off. So today’s post is going to be about vacations. In my limited work experience Koreans don’t get much vacation time. Jasmine got two days off after working at Hwajeong for two years. I think Monica is taking an extra day or two around Chuseok. Semi is leaving the school so she can travel, which is a shame because it would have been good for them to keep here around. But alas, there really is no vacation time.

There are official holidays like today. There are about ten days off or so sprinkled through out the year. Unfortunately the longer holidays are either during peak travel when it will cost you twice as much to travel(since everyone is off) or during family holidays(as in you have to visit your family or else). Chuseok and Lunar New Year are two family holidays where you have to go visit your family, and if you’re female you have to cook(especially if you marry the oldest son). I have five days off and I won’t be leaving the country because it is too expensive and I’d rather wait for Thailand. So this leaves very little time for relaxing for the women I work with. I have a little less sympathy for the men since most salary men I can see relaxing as they stumble home tipsy after drinks with their co-workers.

On the other hand Koreans still enjoy their time off. They love one day holidays. The men will often start drinking before the bus starts rolling, but it’s soju so yeah, not really drunk, just tipsy. Korea is a beautiful country with it’s rolling hills and mountains. And Koreans love these hills and mountains as they are avid hikers. They love hiking, they do it in droves, they also tend to drink and eat while doing and from what I hear they are very good at it. Any ajima could beat me any day of the week and trice over. Korea being so small (relatively) makes short trips easy. So while trips out side the country are not easy, short trips are attainable. The thing is what do Koreans want to do on vacation.

Well, since most of my time with Koreans students that is where I get some of my information. Often with the older kids we have lessons about different parts of the world. I asked them where they wanted to go on vacation if they could go anywhere. I don’t think they really cared where they ended up as long as they got to sleep in, eat and play. But in general they would say some English speaking country or maybe someplace in Europe like France or Italy. My older kids are always telling me they are either hungry, tired, or both. They will start summer vacation soon, maybe they will go on vacation and tell me about it, but I may not be here when they get back. Soon, I’ll be going on my own vacation.

Wednesday, July 12, 2006

jelly shoes and market day

Look no picture.
I didn't take any pictures of the mini-flood. The remnant of a Typhoon E? has caused it to rain for the last 24 hours. Welcome to the wet season, kind of. Even for Korea this is a bit harsh, since part of the subway had to be close down due to flooding as well as several roads. I think I might need a bigger umbrella and more skirts, since I walked around my first class slightly damp around the hem. Also, jelly shoes which I consider a fashion tragedy maybe in my future just for convience sake.

Also market day is tomorrow. Guess when I offically found out about it? Today, kind of. I'm not sure what I will be doing really, since the assistant manager didn't have time to explain it but did have a meeting which I was unable to attend since they didn't tell me it was happening. This is one thing I will not miss, not finding things out til the last possible minute. The kids often know what is going on before the foreign teachers. For a culture that is supposed to be respectful, it's a kick in the face everytime. The thing is even when we ask what is going on they usually can't, won't or don't know themselves. Efficiency is not a word I would use to describe managment here. Ugh. Well, one thing is for certain I've gotten quite good at going with things on the fly and eating alot of shit. On the up side the kids will probably have a good time tomorrow, maybe pictures.

Stay dry.

Sunday, July 09, 2006

Chicken Truck


Chicken Truck
Originally uploaded by punk_rock_baby.
Itaewon is a place you can buy just about anything. Actually I’m joking the electronics are crappy and you can get better buys on imitation purses at Dongdaemun. But if you in the market for people or chipmunks you’re in luck. I wish I was joking. Yesterday as I was coming out of the bookstore a prostitute was trying (very early in the evening) to proposition an older gentleman who wanted nothing to do with her. The chipmunk looked lonely and bored sitting in his cage, as did his seller. All of this happened out on the street. If I haven’t mentioned it Korea has wide sidewalks, usually wide enough for a cart to set up and for people to gum up traffic if they stop to “eye shop(as they call it).”

Itaewon is mish mash of Korean and American influence with a dash of everything else mixed in. On weekends it’s a bazaar. Walking from one end to the other is not something one can do quickly. On one side there is traffic from people going in and out of western stores such as North Face and Nike, while on the sidewalk there are carts selling everything from touristy trinkets to Halloween masks. Mixed it with that are fruit sellers and yogurt ladies, adding to the congestion. Yogurt ladies who were yellow vests and have yellow coolers on a wheelie, filled with you guessed yogurt.

Itaewon is also a good place to get international food. Some of it is over priced crap, but a lot of it can be very enjoyable. Although the newest addition is a guy with a chicken shwarma rack in what can only be described as a crack between two buildings. You can get Indian, Thai, Javanese, Japanese, French, Italian, Mexican etc. I’m not guaranteeing quality or price, but it’s a nice change from everything covered in red pepper paste and “good for you”(everything Korean is good for you, at least that is what they tell me). There are also a few foreign food stores were you can pick up spices, canned dal, or tortillas. One of my favorite things about Itaewon is the used bookstores. Love them. I’m addicted. So, combine all of these factors and you get a lot of foreigners. Oh, I forgot one crucial factor the bars. Yes, it is bar city. On any given night you can here Russian, meet an Nigerian, get hit on by a slippery Frenchman, and drink down some beer with Canadians, Brits, Kiwis, and Irishmen. There is also a bit of a Muslim community with masjid, but you of course don’t meet them at the drinking holes.

One thing you will not find a large majority of are Koreans, although that is changing. Some Koreans are actually afraid of Itaewon. This maybe because Koreans have died in Itawon. In the Burger King bathroom as the rumor goes. Some bars have banned G.I.s and at night one will see military police patrolling. Why? Well for a combination of reasons. One could blame it all on the G.I.’s going with the over dramatized stereotype, which has some bits of truth, but lets be honest. Everybody’s a little bit racist(it’s a song from Avenue Q).

Koreans are a mostly homogeneous race. There aren’t a lot of mixed Koreans in Koreans, and they tend to be looked down upon. This was highlighted when Hines earned MVP during the last Super Bowl. Korea was excited about it because a half Korean had won it. The irony is if he was living in Korea, he would have been ostracized for being different and for being the son of a G.I. He has since visited and meet other children like him, talked to them and giving them hope. He also set up a charity for them. Which is good. I digress though. Koreans, especially Korean men sometimes do not like Korean women dating foreigners. Korean men will occasionally start things with foreign men who are with Korean women, especially if they are drunk. And it isn’t just they don’t like them dating Africans, it’s Caucasians too. But, especially if you are a G.I. If you have a degree from a prestigious university and a high paying job then it would probably be okay. At the same time, some Korean see marrying a foreigner as a great opportunity. Well, there are shades to every story.

Every time I take a Korean to Itaewon it is interesting, because I feel perfectly safe and at home while they dig their nails into my arm in nervous tension. I know they are afraid of this place that has lived so long in their memory as a terrifying place, as a place where savages kill Koreans. Where strange creatures eat unknown food, dance to loud music and drink the devil’s drink. It is a place of prostitutes, drunks, and violence. It is an unknown land in the center of their country. Actually, you can find prostitutes outside of Itawon sitting in windows under pink lights, and just walk down the street any night and you’ll see salary men being carried home after too much soju. Violence well, the closest a friend has ever gotten into a fight was in Korea. Personally, I find it all ironic and I like the food, but that’s Itaewon(kind of).

Saturday, July 01, 2006

Glory, glory, behold my birthday "cake"!

We were upstairs, when this glowing "cake" was brought up. It was great. There is a Krispy Kreme down the street from Route 66 where we were drinking. Lovely. People came out and hopefully all had a good time. I did. It was a good low key night of talking, food, drinks, and most importantly of friends.

Techinically, it still is my birthday in the States, which is kind of nice to think about. It's like your birthday is a weekend, rather than just a day. I've gotten lots of nice e-mails from people, so thank you for the warm thoughts. What is even better was not sent but posted.*Warning: not a cheery post until the last bit.

My brother, Jeremy, also has a blog(link below the flickr badge or click on the title). The thing about my family is we don't communicate especially well with each other. We tend to do well when it's a one on one conversation, but throw more of us into the mix and it changes. We don't really do well in groups, maybe because the last time we were all together was the Easter of 2001, and we were all sitting in a line and in a prison. Not really the best place to have heart to hearts. The thing is we have all changed a great deal over time, alot of things have changed us too.

So, Jeremy and I both have a blog in which we occassionally write about our family, our family past and how we feel about our family. The strange thing is we tend to do this communcation, indirectly. Maybe it's easier for us this way. I know writing makes me feel better, to have it out(which is why some of my posts are truly written sh*t). Thus today's entery(which is about me) was great, because it allowed me to read about how he feels and then have the time to process it. It was good for me to know. I'm glad he did it even if I have to admit these things:

1) Yes, I was a loud mouth spoiled brat. I was Daddy's little girl. I was punished by Mom more than by Dad(sometimes at Dad's insistance). The interesting thing is by the time I hit junior high and high school, I wasn't loud outside of the house. And, I was no longer spoiled, actually I was punished often for not being home. I would have to come home for no reason other than they wanted me home, not to talk to me or to spend time with me(since by high school we didn't talk and we didn't spend time together). Let's say things were very different when you went to college. Dad lost his little sidekick and he wasn't always nice about it. (And yes, Dad does read these when he has internet access.)

2) Yes, I was more active outside of house in extra activities, and yes it was to escape home. School and activities, kept me busy. They gave me people whom I could spend time with and not get hurt by. I was not open, so I made no really intimate friends. I'm thankful for the friends I did have though, they were great. Especially, Amy, Theresa, Lindsey and Helen my senior year. With out them I probably wouldn't have made it through high school. On my eighteenth birthday, I was afraid I might be kicked out so I made arrangements with Theresa to stay with her parents if I was since they ran a home for single mothers. Sorry, not a fun post, but it gets better in a good way. So hold on.

3) As for the lost years, they were the dark years. And yes you did miss them for good or bad. We all changed alot in those years. Alot of us came out of them with scars, but we are growing from what we learned and we are no longer silent. So most importantly we have changed into better people, and in the end I think a better family. This is still an on going process but isn't everything.

4) It was good getting to know you at Beloit College. I was actually worried about going there, because I wasn't sure if you wanted me there. It wasn't until you said is was okay, that I felt I should go. It was a good year, and seeing you again this year was good too. Things happened between us, some not so nice, but that was long ago. It's nice now to remember the fun times at Beloit, like Christmas caroling, it made me remember the Jeremy who would invent games for us to play as kids, who tried to teach us Spanish in our basement, who I jumped up and down with on a bunk bed pretending we were going down the river in "Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom." I like those memories.

5) I'm a history major to the core. As a historian, I like looking back at things and fliping them over in my head. What comes out of this is that irony really does rule the world. I was invisible, but at the same time what made me invisible also made me a target. As visiable and vocal as I was as a child I changed into being invisiable and silent. I wanted to escape home, but when things went really bad that was where I was and where I needed to be. I never had much of a relationship with Mom growing up, but as a grown up we now have a very close relationship. Dad, whom I spent some much time trailing after, is the one family member I have the most complicated relationship with(you'd think it would be Josh). You say, I received less of Dad's wrath, but it was me who had to step up to Dad when his wrath was injustly applied to others. Something, I should have done more off.

I have regrets from my childhood. Sometimes I wish I had done more for Josh. If I had spoken to him more, given him more attention, been a sister maybe he wouldn't be where he is today. But, I didn't I ran away, to school, to activities, to college. I was so hurt by what he had done, that I couldn't forgive him and I couldn't be there when I should have been. I probably should have been there more for Paul too, who was so silent in his suffering and still is. I wish I could say I've been a good sister, but the thing about being the only sister is you are both the good sister and the bad sister by default.

Here's the silver lining. I love my family. As much crap that has happened, in a way it needed to happen. We are much better for it, because we have chosen not to remain silent any more, not to be distant, not to run away(well as much). I miss my family so much. I can't wait to see my Mom, and hug her. I can't wait to bug Lee. I can't wait to sit down with Paul and see what he is doing(since he doesn't e-mail). Unfortunatly, I won't be able to see Jeremy and Jenevieve before they go, but I'm glad they are going to see Mom and the rest of the family.

And the rest of the family are my friends who I am eternally grateful for and miss too. That's the great thing about being adopted, family isn't blood it people who have been with you during the shitty time and the good times. So, thanks family. I love you all!!!!

I'm twenty seven. I've hated life. I love life. I've cried through part of this and I'm happy, because I am blessed. But don't think I'm satisfied. ; ) I still want more!!
Have a good day.